Somewhere in the world is a colander trying to float. Somewhere a parakeet just tried to fly through a closed window, Spaniel collapsed chasing her tail, and Neck-Beard Guy made a pass at Boots With the Fur Girl. A hunchbacked Spartan volunteered to join the phalanx, and Sean Bean tried surviving a movie. Any movie. Somewhere amid all this, all these exercises in futility, are GOP politicians. The kind who have some opinion about rape.
At this point, you may be thinking that nothing in the post-Akin world of legitimate rape could surprise you. That the very nature of taking offense has slid away into the callow laughter of irony. Challenge accepted. Meet West Virginia’s Brian Kurcaba.
Kurcaba is, stunningly, against abortion for any reason. Even in cases of rape or incest. He made that clear when he supported the revival of a bill vetoed last year by Democratic governor Ray Tomblin. The bill would ban abortions after 20 weeks, with no exceptions given for victims of rape or incest. Which is totally not a thing in West Virginia.
That Kurcaba supported the bill isn’t all that shocking; what he said afterward may be slightly more so. Even by Republican standards. He calls childbirth via rape “beautiful.”
“Obviously rape is awful…What is beautiful is the child that could come from this.”
And, to be fair, he’s not entirely wrong. Sad fact is, we’re all children of rape. Go far enough back along the family tree, and you’re bound to find a few instances of it. It’s been said that one out of four people in Europe carry Mongolian Hun DNA — and Attila’s impression of courtship typically involved a sword to the throat. But “beautiful?” Seems a bit of a stretch. We have an idea, though.
RYT Hospital (Dwayne Medical Center) has been experimenting for some time with male pregnancy. It’s a fascinating procedure, theoretically allowing men to carry a child full term. So, how about this: How about, in the name of “beauty,” Mr. Kurcaba were abducted, beaten to within an inch of his life, violated with an anal probe, strapped to a metal operating chair, implanted with a fetus, and left there for nine months until the doctors could cut it out of him? Afterward, he could be sown up, and left to raise the child on his own, with no support at all, and sacrifice his own life, career and well-being to feed it and send it to college. Hey, if it was good enough for Atilla’s rape-brides, it’s still “beautiful” today.
In a sick way, we’d kind of like to see Mr. Kurcaba gain this kind of perspective. We’d like to think that through some measure as drastic as this, at least one GOP politician could be dissuaded from saying something completely asinine about rape.
But…who are we kidding?
Talk about an exercise in futility.
Note: Yes, we know the male pregnancy thing is a hoax. It hasn’t been done, and probably can’t be. Fun thought though, right?