Apparently being a pro-birth TEApublican makes you think really stupid stuff. Take for instance Missouri State Senator Brian Nieves. Nieves is yet another in a long line of Republican men who think they know more about life as a female than actual living, breathing females do. While in an argument on his Facebook page, Nieves told one of the commenters who was discussing late term abortions with him that abortions for the health and safety of the mother are “a matter of convenience!” Nieves is one of many Republicans who think rape can’t get women pregnant and that women never get abortions to save their own lives.
I don’t know if they don’t get how statistics work — maybe they think just because it happens less frequently that it never happens? I do know for sure they have no clue how female bodies work (and that makes me feel really bad for their wives) though. Another thought occurred to me though. Maybe he’s just not very bright and has no idea what convenience means. So we reached out to his office* and they gave us this list** of five other things Missouri State Senator Brian Nieves believes to be “matters of convenience.” You be the judge.
*No we didn’t.
**No they didn’t.
Look, you don’t have to eat. There are plenty alternatives to eating. Such as dying. In fact, being a TEApublicn, Nieves would actually much rather poor people not eat because the alternative plan is for them to get assistance from the taxpayers and we just can’t be acting all Christian-like and shit, can we?
Hey man, if you don’t need to eat, you sure as hell don’t need to breathe. In fact, what makes you so special that you just expect to be able to walk outside and take a deep breath any time you want? Freedom (and our oxygen) isn’t free, and once Nieves and his fellow TEApublicans figure out a way to auction our oxygen supply to the highest bidder, then you’ll see just how much a convenience breathing is…when you have to pay a surcharge for it like your electricity.
#3. Drinking Water
What are you, some kind of hippie? Sure, water may be provided by the universe. Sure, our bodies are mostly water, but what makes you think being well-hydrated is anything but a matter of convenience? You could choose to drink something else — like maybe one of our fine, corporate tax break sponsored, goopy, corn syrup-laden soft drinks. Or again, you always have the option of not drinking anything ever and dying.
Oh, so now you think you’re entitled to live? Who said? Life isn’t fair buddy, and just because you’re a human being like the rest of us, do you think that means you’re entitled to keep right on living until your natural passing from this Earth? Pfffffft. You’re entitled to live however long a life your corporate underwriter sees fit to insure you for, and that’s it, you pinko commie!
#1. Being an Elected Sociopath
Obviously I have no idea if any of the preceding four items are what Nieves believes. However, based purely on his own words, he believes this one whole-heartedly. It’s just really convenient to be a conservative because all of your ideologies can be so incredibly selfish and unsympathetic. After all, you don’t need an exception for the life of the mother in your abortion laws if you just flat-out deny that women ever need abortions to save their lives, no matter how much the stats don’t bear that out. It’s just easier to be a cold, unfeeling dick than it is to set aside your theocratic-based ideology and think about how these Draconian laws effect real, living people, which if I’m not mistaken, is sort of the whole point of governance.