Listen — no matter what, it is totally not cool to make whatever joke you’re going to be thinking of making the moment you watch this video. Please respect the gravity of this situation, the sheer mass of potential injuries that could have occurred, and the tectonic impact forces of your own hateful comments. Besides, some of us have been expressly forbidden by our editors from making any more fat jokes about Chris Christie…despite the utter density of comedic material available in this video.
Like a tractor-trailer full of Boston Creme donuts it fell upon the internet, the oscillating flatulence of vengeful radio station hosts who disagreed with Christie’s choice in football teams. It was filmed in 2014, and with great strain held in the servers of New Jersey’s SportsRadio 94WIP’s servers — which we’re told have experienced forehead veins and profuse sweating as a result. It was released to great relief yesterday by host Angelo Cataldi, who could hold in no longer his distaste for Christie’s “appalling” support of the Dallas Cowboys.
And so the world shook with the force of planets colliding. Fortunately, structural damage to the building’s foundations was limited; which is a commentary on fracking, and not cracking as a result of Christie’s crushing impact with it. Some will inevitably ponder how Chris’ tailbone fared; he himself supports a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy where coccyxes are concerned. Especially any coccyx now so much nearer to his own rear end.
And…we’re stopping there. This is getting heavy.