Welfare Dynasty’s patriarch, Phil Robertson, spoke to CPAC today, delivering a rambling and incoherent train wreck of a speech. Over the course of his meandering speech, Robertson touched on things like STDs, Muslims, Nazis, rock and roll, and Obama.
Robertson opened his speech on the main stage with the usual “rah-rah” Murkha and “Capitalism r Gud” platitudes that anchor so many conservative speeches to whatever reality they’re hewn from (because it sure isn’t this one). Then things got a little weird, and before you know, he’s competing with Sarah Palin for the Most Incoherent Speech of the Year award.
“I got my facts from the CDC the day before yesterday,” Robertson said, before he warned the audience that 110 million Americans have an STD. It’s a good public service announcement, but Robertson didn’t want it to be a PSA for the philandering politicians attending the conference. Rather, he used it as a launching pad into moralizing.
“I’m looking at it, and I said ‘I don’t want you, America, to get sick. I don’t want you to become ill. I don’t want you to come down with debilitating diseases.” He went on to call it the “revenge of the hippies” and say, “Sex, drugs, and rock and roll have come back to haunt us in a bad way. I report, you decide.”
Then, with all the skilled deftness of an apple against a brick wall, he transitioned his topics. To what? Well, he started ranting and yelling that the Constitution was written for a “religious and moral people. It is wholly inadequate for any other” and that “You know what’s happened GOP? We’ve got too many any-others in the White House. It wasn’t written for them. It wasn’t written for them.”
He received applause for this, because the GOP voters loves them some word salad.
Robertson continued, telling the audience to “stand on the Bible, stand on the Constitution. Hold on to your weapons,” and saying that “We had to have all three to run the Brits back to where they came from, we had to have all three when the Nazis reared their head. ‘You say, the Nazis: World domination is what Hitler had on his mind. Territorial conquest. There was no Jesus. None. And they were famous for murder.”
He then demanded to know, “[W]as there any Jesus among the communists? None!”
When did Jesus become a mass noun? “Do you have any Jesus, Komrade?” “I’ve got none, but there’s plenty of vodka in the back.”
He also likened Daesh to the Nazis, saying, “They took over half of Iraq and half of Syria! They’re worldwide over there in Africa. Any Jesus with them? No sir!”
They’re “worldwide over there in Africa” where they’ve taken “over half of Iraq and half of Syria.”
Yeah, I’ve got nothing. I’ll just let this stand as it is.
Watch the video below: