As we’ve already established, Chris Hansen might enjoy it very much if Phil Robertson “took a seat over there,” based on some comments made at the Sportsmen’s Ministry in Georgia in 2009. According to Robertson, women are old maids at 20. All they do at that point is spend your money on stupid woman stuff.
What you want to do, according to the Duck Dynasty patriarch, is “marry these girls when they’re about fifteen or sixteen.” Robertson is no stranger to doing just that. He began dating his wife Marsha when she was fourteen and he a legal adult. They married two years later when she was just sixteen.
The age of consent in Louisiana is seventeen years old, and it is a crime for anyone regardless of age to engage in sexual relations with a fourteen year old (though there is no word on if they had premarital sex). If a person is under seventeen, it is illegal for anyone more than two years older to have sex with them. No matter what, it is likely (but not proven) that Robertson broke at least one law.
Given his expertise on the matter, some may choose to listen to Phil’s suggestion that they bag themselves some jail-bait (though he does caution that they should make sure mom and dad are cool with it) — but how does a man know when the underage girl he has found is the right one for him? In an expanded video of Robertson’s comments, A&E’s resident racist, misogynistic homophobe and advocate of forming relationships with teenage girls has us covered!
- She needs to be able to cook a meal, because women (as we all know) belong in the kitchen.
- She needs to carry her Bible. No Bible, find another kid to wed! Where else is she going to learn that marrying and being entirely subservient to a 50-something (or 20-something) man is normal? The rest of society?
- We’re not sure if this is innuendo or a duck cleaning reference (so we’ll go with the latter)…but if she “picks your ducks,” apparently that makes her “a woman!” Which is good, because her age sure doesn’t!
Since we apparently disparaged her favorite show, Amanda Austin of Celeb Dirty Laundry, ruffled feathers and all, defended Robertson’s remarks with as much fervor and as little sense as Sarah Palin did his comments on “the gays.” Somehow, despite easily verifiable racist and homophobic comments, the fact that he has a history of chasing at least one underage girl, and his very overt misogynistic attitude, Austin (as a woman) inexplicably finds herself able to advocate for the backwoods “wisdom” of the shepherd of Duck Dynasty’s fauxbilly flock.
Austin, who mainly spoils terrible TV shows and covers controversy surrounding “that time that one guy accidentally tweeted out a full frontal selfie,” has taken on AATTP with regard to the Duck Dynasty patriarch’s taste in women. After providing a weak justification for his inappropriate words with a dubious claim that he simply said couples should marry younger, she offers up something that is actually correct — that there may not be grounds on which to call Phil a pedophile.
This led us to a moment of self-reflection. Can Robertson rightfully be called “the p-word?” In Georgia (where these words are spoken) the age of consent is 16 with no “close-in-age exception.” In other words, if a child is under the age of 16, no one can have sex with them–period. Since marriage, according to the holy book Robertson spends so much time thumping, necessitates consummation, and he was advocating marrying 15 year olds, well — we’ll leave that up to your judgment.
At minimum, what he was advocating would be illegal in Georgia. However, pedophilia generally refers to sexual urges directed toward those 11 years or younger. By no measure can what Robertson proposed be called any more than Ephebophilia. Congratulations, Amanda! You helped some of us learn a new word! However, many of those who are not qualified to make a medical diagnosis may still call him a pedophile.
Some say Robertson is just old-fashioned. What’s that disgusting, “old-fashioned” Southern saying? “Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed?” We highly doubt, while the debate on whether or not Robertson’s comments were creepy enough to warrant “the p-word” or any similar label could go either way, that he meant to say anything other than “get ’em young.”
After all, he did.
Enjoy the expanded clip below, with BONUS DELUSIONS OF THEOCRACY: