Tuesday night, Jon Stewart eviscerated the Teapublican racists who feel that the solution to the border crisis is to stand around screaming at children who have fled to America to escape their oppressive homelands, or call in the military to exterminate groups of undocumented underage kids, or a [email protected]#$ing minefield to blow them to smithereens.
Stewart rolled a clip in which it was explained that since October, poverty and violence have driven a large number of children to the United States–52,000 have been picked up trying to cross into our country since October.
“Ah, there are kids in trouble,” said Stewart, “You know what– I was always taught by my parents to follow the Golden Rule. Whenever you see a kid in trouble, yell at them in a language they don’t understand.”
He then played footage of “patriotic” protesters screaming at children to “Go home!” and suggesting that they live at the White House. “That is an interesting suggestion,” Stewart remarked. “Although a grown man inviting thousands of kids to his house gives off a little bit of a Neverland Ranch vibe.”
In another clip, FOX News’ Shepard Smith blamed the border crisis on a 2012 order protecting some children who entered the United States before 2007 from deportation.
Stewart unleashed a scathing condemnation of Smith’s remarks. “If I have told kids fleeing violence and poverty once, I’ve told them a thousand times. Immigrant minors seeking asylum post-2007 must apply at their consulate with form N-400 and a biometrics fee. Then, appear for a series of processing interviews to ascertain priority determination, unless they have family living in the United States, in which case they file form I-130. And then, you file form DS-260 under your NVC case number. Unless, of course, you have skills attractive to an employer. Well, do you? Do you, child fleeing violence and poverty? Because if you do, you’re gonna want to go with form I-140. I mean, it’s not that difficult.”
He added, “Now you may be wondering, if they didn’t fill out the forms, can’t we just deport these kids? Well first of all, what the fuck is wrong with you? These are children! Why would you even ask that? And second of all, good question. Why can’t we just deport them?”
Stewart cut to a clip from ABC News that destroyed Shep Smith’s argument that the blame lies with President Obama: “A 2008 law signed by President George W. Bush says children from countries not bordering the U.S. cannot be immediately deported.” The Bush-era law allows children to appear in court and make the case that they should be allowed to stay.
“So we’ve got ourselves a genuine humanitarian crisis,” said Stewart. ” Unless someone would like to label it differently.” He cut to a clip of Louie Gohmert who, according to Stewart, is “like Old Faithful, if instead of hot water, it regularly shot out stupid.”
“ In the Constitution, under Article I, Section 8, it says that Congress has the authority to call for the military during times of invasion,” said Gohmert, calling for the use of force against these children.
“You want the Marines on this one. You want tip of the spear, all right,” said Stewart. “Now I’m not a military expert, obviously, but generally, an enemy invasion force is not particularly dangerous until it can reach and open its own cereal.”
Stewart pointed out the obvious: “We have always been a nation of immigrants who hate the newer immigrants. Because Lady Liberty may appear to be a beacon to those yearning to breathe free, but the truth is, she’s actually a bouncer.”
Watch Stewart lay it out, below: