As usual, Stephen Colbert gets right to the heart of the matter with his wicked satire of
Bill O’Reilly a conservative pundit. On the July 17th episode of The Colbert Report, Colbert turned his attention to the crisis at our southern border.
Working his way into the story with a couple of jokes, Colbert calls the influx of children from Guatemala, Honduras and El
Diabo Salvador a “humanitarian crisis.” And, he reminds us, he is a human who cares for these kids, “so very publicly.”
Cut to clips of Fox News pundits and guests talking about how they feel so bad for these kids and how they’ve been to Central America and seen the conditions these children are fleeing. Colbert agrees that the Latin American people are wonderful. “These kids,” he says, “aren’t just invading our country, they’re invading… here,” as he points to his heart. Colbert knows that, with all the love we bear for these children, it’s clear what we must do… Take it Laura Schlesinger!
“First thing you do is start deporting people. Not by the hundreds… by the thousands.”
Wait, what? I thought we loved these kids! Well, “it’s a tough love,” Colbert says. “Or a very soft hate.” He pointed out that President Obama deported 38 women and children last week — to the city with the highest murder rate in the world — and that was a “good start.”
We can’t use troops to drive them out, Colbert notes, because the children actually seek out border agents when they reach our border. A CNN clip informs us of this fact and a Fox News talking head called it, “… like having more customer service reps at the border.”
But it’s where Obama is sending these kids that has some people up in arms. Where’s that? Well, according to the bozos at Fox News, it’s a “multi-million dollar resort hotel.” With wi-fi, pools, tennis courts and all the amenities, Fox makes it sound like these kids are going to be put up at a Sandals. Colbert is outraged!
Paying for Pablo’s Continental breakfast? No way! The ritzy Palm-Aire Hotel and Suites is too good for these kids. Colbert offers a couple of awful reviews from Trip Advisor. Um… no. This is no “multi-million dollar resort.” But we love these kids. Even though a sucky hotel is too good for them.
Oh, these “innocent-looking children,” Colbert tells us, “are anything but.” And here comes the really insane stuff. A batch of Fox News clips tell their
sheep viewers that their safety is at risk, these kids are dangerous! Why, they could be gang members! Criminals! But even if they’re not all vicious killers, they could be carrying disease!
Georgia Representative Phil Gingry was so concerned that he sent a letter to the CDC, citing fears that some of the refugees could be carrying ebola virus. And this guy is a doctor?! Ebola, as Colbert points out, “has never appeared outside of Africa.” Gingry may have already contracted the virus, though, as “baseless fear leaking out of your ass” is a symptom.
Finally, Colbert gets to Arizona Republican Adam Kwasman who, while protesting against busloads of refugees, mistook a bus full of YMCA campers for them. I’m sure we’ve all seen the clip of Kwasman telling a reporter that he could see “the fear on their faces,” and his apology when informed that the children on the bus were YMCA campers, “they were sad, too.”
But, no, “Do not apologize!” Colbert advises Kwasman, “I, for one, never trust campers.”
Stephen Colbert, in his guise of a clueless conservative pundit, dispenses his brand of satire freely, thank goodness. In this clip, he does a brilliant job of skewering those who are playing like Two-Face on this issue. Unlike Colbert, they are monsters when it comes to their treatment of these refugee children.
Here’s the full clip: