Nick Offerman’s character on Parks and Recreation is a staunch libertarian. So libertarian is Ron Swanson that he doesn’t even believe he should have a job as manager of a government park. He’s even part of a budget slashing task force — just saying it gives him a bit of a semi. Nick Offerman, though, is a bit more measured in his approach; militantly moderate, if you will.
Offerman was invited to speak at the 2014 White House Correspondents Dinner — but he was anything but moderate in his brutal roasting of the media gathered there, of the cable network he works for, and of gun nuts in particular.
It’s worth noting, as you watch this, that Offerman is hardly the limp-wristed liberal college student that Tea Party types usually offer as a stereotype for anyone who isn’t them. Like his character on Parks, Offerman is an avid hunter, outdoorsman, carpenter and Scotch aficionado. The small-town Illinois native also comes from, as he puts it, “A long line of farmer politicians.”
To the extent he subscribes to any political affiliation, he’s a member in good standing of (as he says in the video) Teddy Roosevelt’s (paradoxically manly and progressive) Bull-Moose Party. Which, let’s face it, anybody who’s ever owned a mustache and a rifle should be.
But, unlike, it seems, most rifle owners are today, Nick is what he calls a “Second Amendment Originalist.” He explains the meaning in his “Bill of Rights Refresher Course,” among many other observations (which starts at about 9 minutes in). Here, we’ll highlight those on the reality of today’s gun culture…but there isn’t a minute out of the 16 that isn’t worth watching:
“As you are no doubt aware, Georgia has adopted some new gun legislation allowing idiots to openly wield a firearm in church, the post office, bars, movie theaters, the library et cetera. But not the statehouse. Basically, any place where people are prone to get excited — or, well, go postal — except for the lawmakers’ own place of employment.
The Second Amendment protects our right to own guns, specifically so that we can defend our country from invading armies, or from our own government, should a king end up taking over things and trying to make things more royal around here. The Second Amendment is not there to protect our right to intimidate the teenage cashier at Chipotle.
You know, a bunch of nincompoops in Texas thought it would be a good idea to bring shotguns into a Chili’s to prove some sort of point. But all it did was remind everybody how fucked up it is that you’re allowed to bring shotguns into a family restaurant in Texas. Chili’s responded by banning guns because, by God, if you’re going to shit your pants in a Chili’s, it’s going to be because of the food.
Now, I’m a firm believer in the Second Amendment — matter of fact, I consider myself to be a Second Amendment Originalist. That means every man or woman has the right to bear arms, but only the same arms that our country’s forefathers bore in the 18th century. Muskets…I’m talking black powder, muzzle-loaded, smooth-bore guns fashioned with a bayonet.”
And, the coup de gras, so to speak. Personally, your writer’s absolute favorite part of the entire presentation — mostly owing to the fact that it’s something he’s said time and time again in these pages:
“Now, if our tempers are flared past the point of civil discourse, then I expect you to challenge me in an honorable contest of fisticuffs, like a grown adult. But to remove ones-self to the safe range of a firearm to settle a dispute in America is nothing short of cowardly. Add the ease of automatic firing capability and I will declare you nothing short of lily-livered.”
And that’s the real Bull-Moose.
h/t: Rolling Stone
More from AATTP on gun enthusiasts:
- Heat-Packing Open Carry Gun Fetishists Once Again Swarm Target
- Missouri Town Bans Open Carry of Guns Because it’s Bad for Tourism
- Gun Dealer: ‘Open Carry Tarrant County is Like the Demonic Offspring of Westboro Baptist Church and Boko Haram’ (Video)
- Jon Stewart Mocks Open Carry Ammosexuals: ‘Everyone’s Scared of Gun Nuts, Even Other Gun Nuts’ (Video)
- Finally! How to Tell the Difference Between an Open-Carry Patriot and a Deranged Killer (Image)