Who didn’t love dinosaurs as a kid? Massive beasts that existed millions of years ago and came in a variety of shapes and sizes; from Jurassic Park to Walking with Dinosaurs, these massive early reptiles have captured the human imagination in a way that other megafauna, like Indricotheriinae and Diprotodon, haven’t.
KTRK reports that at least one mother doesn’t like dinosaurs; so intense was her hatred for the “dinosaur hoax” and her worry of its effects on children, she wound up getting herself banned from Mumsnet for threadjacking at every opportunity.
Yes, it’s a slow news day. No, that doesn’t matter, because even on a busy one I’d still set aside the time to mock this person.
Writing under the pseudonym CADministry, the woman kicked off her complaints by announcing that she was “getting sick and tired” of all these different dinosaurs being “forced on our children.”
She continued, noting that “something needs to be done” because “the science behind them is pretty flimsy, and I for one do not want my children being taught lies. Did you know that nobody had even heard of dinosaurs before the 1800s, when they were invented by curio-hungry Victorians?”
CAD — which stands for Christians Against Dinosaurs, but also for a deceptive liar — wrote that dinosaurs “lack family values” and to demonstrate this fact through a bizarre, non-sequitur, red-herring, not-even-wrong anecdote, described a time at her children’s school when “several children were left in tears after one of their classmates (who had evidently been exposed to dinosaurs) became bestially-minded and ran around the classroom roaring and pretending to be a dinosaur. Then he bit three children on the face.”
Now, I’ve been on the internet long enough to know to be suspicious of something this over-the-top stupid. I still remember Anti-Spore. Just because I’m suspicious of it doesn’t mean I’m not going to mock it; after all, nothing is so stupid that someone, somewhere doesn’t actually believe it.
She also said that she “disowned her sister” after her sister “foolishly gave my two youngest some dinosaur toys for Christmas. After telling her to get out of my house, I burnt the dinosaurs. My children were delighted because they know that dinosaurs are evil. I am fortunate that my family has been very supportive, and has disowned my children’s former aunt.”
She’s got her own YouTube channel, too, because who doesn’t anymore? The great thing about the Internet is that it gave a voice to the masses. The bad thing about it is that there’s a small segment of the masses who have no greater investment in life than reminding us that they’re idiots. These videos date back months, and in one of them, she explains how the “dinosaur hoax” is perpetuated by a secretive cabal of underpaid and undervalued paleontologists, biologists, taxonomists, zoologists, geneticists, paleobotanists, geologists, and undergraduate students slaving for years to pry these bones from the dirt, categorize them, date them, clean them, restore them, and classify them, laboring thanklessly so malevolent fools like creationists and this woman can call them all liars.
“A fossil is not actually a piece of bone,” she explains in one video. “It’s actually a bone that was once in the ground that has been filled with limestone, calcium, and other stone-like deposits, so at the end of the day, it’s a rock made out of rocks.”
She continues, suggesting that dinosaur bones are really statues carved from limestone: “you have a rock that’s [six-inches long], and you hand it to a paleontologist, who chips away at it until you have something looking like a bone — and that is a fossil.”
Lady, please. Do we look like Ancient Egyptians to you? We use marble, like modern civilized people, when we carve our fossils.
To prove her point, she dumps a bucket of rocks on the table: “If you’re a paleontologist and you want to keep your job, you turn that into a brachiosaurus skull.”
Someone get the superglue.
Watch the video from CADministries below: