We here call it “Alexander the Great Syndrome,” a vicious mutation of the virus known as Neuroticus consumerisma. Primary symptoms include the obsessive desire to possess any new think you lay your eyes upon. “Black Friday” is the day the spending season starts, when business go out of the “red” and into the “black” for the year. Though, in recent years, the wave of violence that follows the rabid froth of consumerism has given the “holiday’s” name a whole new and darker meaning.
Black Friday used to be the day after Thanksgiving. But Alexander the Great Syndrome waits for no man…and nor do its secondary symptoms.
Case in point: Walmart confirmed to ThinkProgress that over a million employees would be called into work on the Thanksgiving holiday. According to Walmart:
“We are a 24/7 hour operation. We are open Thanksgiving Day and have been open Thanksgiving Day for 25 years.”
And that is absolutely true. What the Walmart spokesperson failed to mention is that its Black Friday sales don’t start on Friday anymore; they start on Thanksgiving. Walmart, like many stores, has been “rolling back” the start time of its Black Friday massacres every year, trying to get a jump on the shopping season. And consumers, rabid with Alexander the Great Syndrome, spend the second half of Thanksgiving Day waiting like starving dogs to get into The Gap, Sears, Target and Toys ‘R Us.
And, to compensate for taking time off from their families to deal with the horrors of the Consumerism virus, Walmart entices employees with a token bonus based on their last 12 weeks pay. A bonus which, one assumes, will probably go…
…right back to Walmart on Black Friday.
While few stores actively force employees to come in over the holidays, most of the poorest are by then fighting for shifts. Many last year reported that Walmart intentionally cut their shift hours in the weeks leading up to black Friday; partly to make sure they were good and starving for work, but mostly to lower the last 12 weeks’ average pay, thus reducing their holiday “bonus” to little more than they would normally get.
Tis the Season.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day, and so it is with conservatives. Every Christmas (indeed all year long), you hear them harping about America losing its “soul” and “traditional values” like family and community. And they’re right. But we’re not losing them to Muslim Communist Kenyans, or baby-killing gaysexual libtards. We’re losing them faster than anything else to an insidious virus…
(Author’s Note: This article just gave me an idea. I think, on Thanksgiving day, I’m going to get some friends together and sit in front of Walmart holding signs. I’m thinking something like: “Why are you here?””Shouldn’t you be with the people you’re shopping for?””Is more STUFF this important?””Do you really need this crap?””Is it really worth it?””Is THIS America?””You buy because you’re told to,””The American Dream dies today,” and of course, “You are a victim of Consumerism.” So…who’s with me?)