Sarah Palin has resurrected the “War on Christmas” non-issue for the 97th time, and written a book about it! Bargain Bin Barbie’s literary genius has taken the world by storm!
Amazon users have been very vocal about their love of Palin’s hate-filled screeds against well…anyone who is not a rich, white Christian–so vocal, in fact, that Sarah gets a gold star from most reviewers! One star is good, right?
Palin’s divisive diatribes manage to enthrall…stupid people, and no one else, according to the mostly negative reviews of this tome of absurdity. Of course, this half-term half-wit will likely be pleased that every reviewer gave her at least one star–because she’s too stupid to understand how Amazon’s review system works.
Even the Five-star reviews are hilarious!
For your viewing pleasure, we have collected our favorite reviews of Sarah Palin’s masterpiece, Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas!
“Finally! At long last someone has said what has needed to be said. One brave soul has trumpeted it from the rooftops. Forget about the Iraq War with their hundreds of thousands of innocents dead. Remove your mind from worrisome drone strikes hitting children and families in Afghanistan. Our returning soldiers–battered, maimed, wounded in every human way possible, and now, most likely jobless, could not have returned from a more glorious conflict than the War on Christmas. This annual melee, swift on the heels of the Satanic orgy of demon-worship and candy corn that is Halloween, should be front and center on the radar of every God-loving, red-blooded American. While women line up for their holiday abortions and those godless gays don their stylish gay apparel, Mrs. Palin has reminded us that the fight for Christmas is the fight for our very souls. As the Pilgrims exchanged gifts with the Indians, as Paul Revere rode up and down that night to warn us of the British plans to take our guns and Christmas trees, and as Ronald Reagan reminded the Soviets when he said, “Mr. Gorbachev, it’s ‘Merry Christmas!”, so we must take a stand against the liberazis who intend to topple the entire edifice of Western Civilization through their insistence on wishing one and all a “Happy Holiday.” Being a Christian nation, the celebration of the Divine Child born in Bethlehem that cold, snowy night is the cornerstone of our republic and our society–certainly not the anti-family liberal aggrandizement of unwed teenage mothers or families with two dads. In concise, two-syllable words and plenty of illustrations, Mrs. Palin calls us to battle, Constitution in hand, Bible in the other, and the Declaration of Independence in the other against the forces that would steal our Christmases and in doing so, return to the greater, snow-white America that we love. Mrs. Palin, I doff my tri-cornered hat to you and humbly lay my godless degrees in Bible, history, and theology at your Alaskan feet!” –Joel Cruz
It’s my favorite time of year again! It comes earlier every year and grows in strength every time. Is it Thanksgiving? No. Christmas? Closer.
It’s the War on Christmas, that festive time of year when we reflect on the true meaning of making sure other people know there is a war against Christmas.
What would you say is the greatest threat to the greatest of holidays Jesus gave to us? Is it over-commercialisation, which Charlie Brown was complaining about back in the ’60s? Or the fact that Christmas shopping next year will start just after St. Patrick’s Day? Or just the general un-Christmas like behavior of people fighting for parking spaces and hot new toys at the mall while ignoring their families at home?
If you answered any of the above three, you’re probably one of those godless liberals who need this book. No my friend, the answer of course is those atheists, bah-humbuging this joyous time for all of us and trying to take it back to the Roman Saturnalia, where men would give each other gifts, drink and fornicate with each other. Wouldn’t those sodomites forcing equal marriage on us love that?
Sarah Palin, truly the voice of our grandparent’s generation, bravely sets out to right this wrong. Christmas isn’t about sharing the holiday quietly with your family. It’s about shoving it down the throats of people who don’t believe (or don’t believe hard enough), and creating animosity and fear so we get rid of those people stopping us from spreading a holiday about peace and good will to all men.
This is a book necessary for this day and age, not just a cheap cash-in that can be rolled out every holiday until consistency=tradition. I will share this book with my loved years every year, and keep it prominently on my shelf right next to my copy of Ayn Rand’s It’s a Wonderful Life, where Mr. Potter is praised for his cleverness, and Clarence lets George kill himself for creating a culture of dependency.” –Kevin “scandaloususer01”
“I had a dream that instructed me to follow a star in the night sky to purchase this book. I don’t usually buy books because the nearest book shop is miles from my trailer park. Buying it on Amazon was super convenient, and I could do it from the office of my trailer park. The book was just as I had dreamed it would be. It was a clarion call for people like me, with more tattoos than teeth, to fight to protect Christmas. It’s not just a holiday for getting drunk and overspending at Walmart, it is a celebration of our little lord Jesus and his gift to humanity. Speaking of gifts…I didn’t even know Sarah Palin could write…but boy can she ever. Some of the sentences were really hard to read but mostly she is careful to avoid big words, and this makes it easier to read. I am sending this to all my family who won’t be able to join me for Christmas. Just because they have limited books at their prison library doesn’t mean my family (who are all Sarah Palin fans) shouldn’t have the chance to read her powerful words. I will say it was a bit tiring to read it because there are a lot of pages and my mouth got tired from sounding out all the words, but don’t give up. I also want to mention, that when libruls say Sister Sarah is a low information shrieky howler monkey with all the subtlety of a jackhammer on a hangover in August, they are lie-telling. Get this book for all the inmates in your family.” –Clive Hazell
“Finally after millennia of trying to get to the crux of our human condition, a mind of ultimate wisdom powered by a voice of persuasive eloquence brings us the single greatest work to come out of the Western tradition. When you were sleep-walking through school and wondering what was the point of all those hard books — why read Aristotle, why read Sartre, why read Shakespeare? Well, here is the answer. All of those lesser lights were preparing us for this. My only regret is that I have now experienced the highest point of my intellectual life without having prepared myself adequately for it. I will need to revisit the entire Western canon and re-read and re-imagine each classic in light of this truly greatest of classics. What the name “Einstein” meant for the 20th Century as an icon for ultimate intelligence, the name “Palin” will mean for this and for every succeeding century as the ultimate in human achievement. I thank God that I walk the earth in the same era as this greatest of the great. The Palin Era is upon us.” –Arken
“We can’t let the tyrant-in-chief ruin our Christmas, we must reload patriot drill baby drill founding-fathers avocado more guns Alaska evil liberals you betcha wink wink slavery amen Jesus Benghazi.” — E.A. Zanagar
So, AATTPers, scratch THAT one off your gift list!