Lately, Australian politics has represented a frightening mirror of the United States in many ways. Most entertainingly, former Australian One Nation candidate Stephanie Banister drew some blank stares and stark comparisons to Sarah Palin when she asserted that “Islam” was a country during her incredibly short political “career.”
However, if we ever needed proof that the Tea Party attitude has infected politics elsewhere, all we need to do is take a gander at Australian “Liberal” (Liberal means something entirely different there) party Senator Cory Bernardi’s latest book. The climate change denying, Islamophobic, gay marriage demonizing (that’s right, folks–bestiality), “family values” man has a lot to say–and he lays it down in “The Conservative Revolution.” The description of the book on Amazon reads:
[box type=”shadow”]An unapologetic advocate for mainstream values, Cory Bernardi presents a bold vision for a stronger nation that is founded on conservative principles. He takes the fight to the political left and calls for an overturning of the existing moral relativism that threatens Australia’s way of life. Bernardi argues that the best way to tackle this threat is to protect and defend the traditional institutions that have stood the test of time, something that he has done during his time as a senator in the Australian Parliament. Bernardi’s work courageously promotes the conservative cause and sets out a path to a better Australia through a commitment to faith, family, flag, freedom and free enterprise. This volume reminds us that conservative principles – not the populist whims of the left – generate enduring stability, success and strength. That is why we need a conservative revolution.[/box]
The book calls for a “reversal back to sanity and reason.” You know, that time when workers had no power to negotiate for acceptable working conditions and wages, when women knew their place, when we didn’t bother enacting regulations to protect out environment, and church and state were one shining and glorious institution (that never happened, but let’s just pretend it did).
Does this rhetoric sound familiar? It should, because it is exactly what we deal with in America.
Australians, however, show largely the same disdain for those with a conservative mindset that the majority of Americans do–and it’s the most hilarious thing you’ll read today! Here are just a few of the shining reviews the book has received!
“Hulten” finds this “boundary-pushing” literary masterpiece to be riveting!
[box type=”shadow”]Not since reading Game of Thrones have I encountered an author who deals so expertly with taboos such as sodomy, loose women and hankerings from non-human flesh. As an avid reader of fantasy novels – especially those dealing with occult themes – this is the highest compliment I can pay to this excellent book. However, a word of warning, even for veterans of hardcore/realistic fantasy: there are some disturbing scenes! In particular there is a vivid description of a conservative wedding in which all the guests were required to confirm the chastity of bride-to-be and then self-flagellate – en masse!!! – to prevent impure thoughts. Weird stuff, indeed, but that is what I love about the genre; it pushes you beyond the boring boundaries of our everyday existences.[/box]
“Jason Koch” wants to join Cory’s fan club, but has some difficulties with the matter:
[box type=”shadow”]I must first applaud the forward vision and high moral standard of the publisher in publishing this titan of a novel. It is clear that the honourable Corey is the man best suited to lead Australia into an era of golden times.
Times where filthy heathens and scandalous single mothers know their place and where wealthy privileged white men can comfortably dictate to the great unwashed how to live.
I would love to sign up to Corey’s fan club but alas I’m divorced, atheist and in a defacto relationship with a woman who was a single mother and hence will never make the cut.
Back to hell I go….all hail Satan[/box]
“Matt” views this book as an amazing “50 Shades of Grey” spinoff!
[box type=”shadow”]I don’t understand why there is so much hate for this book. In my opinion this is the best spinoff of “50 Shades of Grey” yet! Cory truly captures the everyday moral dilemmas faced by sadomasochists everywhere and shows that through political power brokering even the most inhumane narcissist can find their place in normal society by forcing everyone else to accede to misogynistic values through the Australian political system.
This great piece of fiction is much like Orwell’s “1984” it serves as a warning of what could happen to a society if the governance of a country is hijacked by a self-serving and corrupt neo-liberal agenda firmly rooted in values held before women were allowed to vote.
It is books such as these that help preserve the everyday status quo through the dystopian vision they prescribe. The loony fringe desires outlined in “The Conservative Revolution” will never come true as long as the independence of mainstream media is maintained, votes are counted equally and corporations are not allowed to make political donations to affect outcomes…
“Luttle wimin” sees a lot of value in this “multi-use tool” in her life as a housewife with no goals past pleasing her man!
[box type=”shadow”]Unlike the Coreys of Cell Block 69, trend setters of modern fame, Bernardi takes us on an unnecessary journey back further from the 1950s (and you thought we’re all stuck here under Abbott!). At first I mistook this nausea from the time-travel effect, but then realised that it was simply the bigotry leaping from the parchment, proving a hard pill to swallow that keeps repeating on you through this weightless tome.
A great one in the kitchen for entertainment while shackled pregnant to the kitchen bench, or use the unopened pages as a sterile birthing surface on the kitchen floor. Alternatively (there’s just so many uses for this one) if reading it didn’t make you want to self-inflict a death by paper cuts, it should be good for lighting the fire when your husband comes home from hunting, clubs you over the head, and has his way with you before passing out in the corner, leaving you to butcher and serve the beast he caught.[/box]
“Ms E R Shute” encountered some difficulties writing her review.
[box type=”shadow”]I wanted to review this book – with my husband’s blessing, I hasten to add – but I am menstruating at the moment and I thought it best not to contaminate the internet while I am ritually unclean. I did consider asking my lesbian friend to ghost-write a review for me, but she was having a date night with her cocker spaniel (oh, the irony!) and I didn’t want to intrude. I tried to contact my Muslim friend to see if he would do it for me, even though I hadn’t seen him in ages, but one of his wives answered the phone and explained that he is out of the country, and that access to stationery is limited in Guantanamo so he probably wouldn’t be able to do it anyhow. Perhaps my step-son will do it for me, I thought. But sadly he never learnt to read and write because his parents had him aborted at 20 weeks and he was always a bit of a delinquent after that. Getting a bit desperate, it suddenly occurred to me: I know, I’ll ask my conservative friend to write the review for me! Then I remembered. I don’t have a conservative friend.[/box]
“James” sees this as a gift for nearly everyone who says “I’m not a racist BUT…”
[box type=”shadow”]Tragic, funny and riddled with a quasi-endearing ignorance that you’ll just love to hate :)
I recommend it as:
– A gift for anyone who says “I’m no racist, but…”
– Or for homophobes, misogynists and common house-hold bigots.
– A way to end a fizzling relationship.
– A replacement for the lower-end abrasive toilet papers.[/box]
Want more? Read the raving reviews for yourself, here.