HomeHumorTennessee Man to Run for Governor on ‘I Want to Shower with My Raccoon’ Platform in GOP Primary (Video)

Tennessee Man to Run for Governor on ‘I Want to Shower with My Raccoon’ Platform in GOP Primary (Video)

A Tennessee man has decided that he just can’t take big government oppression any longer! What is it that has finally caused licensed arms dealer Mark “Coonrippy” Brown to finally throw his hat in the ring for the Governor’s seat? Is it Benghazi? Chemtrails? Obama’s totalitarian plot to begin his third term with a mass gun-grabbing scheme?

The answer–is none of those! Brown has a different agenda. He’s not worried about a functioning government so much as he is something…else entirely. As Brown says, it’s “all about the coon.” What coon, you ask?

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You see, “Coonrippy” had a pet raccoon–complete with collar. Videos of his exploits with “Rebekah ‘Gunshow’ Rippy” (yes, it has a middle and last name) dancing, playing, and even showering with the masked critter have gone viral over the past year. However, the fun times ended when his pet coon was accused to attacking chickens at the local high school. Rebekah was seized by the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency.

Ever since Obama’s stormtroopers marched in an abducted his coon, Brown has been fighting for her release from captivity, even collecting a petition with $60,000 signatures. The totalitarian TRWA, however, returned the petition to “Coonrippy” unanswered and unopened–apparently deciding that they had better things to do than worry about the plight of a single raccoon.

“Governor Haslam ignored the cries from the entire United States,” Brown said of the incident. He hopes that by running for Governor he can “expose the people in office who are not for the people” (or, apparently raccoons). “Coonrippy” went on to say that “He can free prisoners, he can pardon people, but he refused the online petition and refused to accept the letter. All eyes were on Tennessee and it made us look bad. It made it look like we were under Caesar’s law.”

Brown, missing his showering partner terribly, hopes to capitalize on his status as a political outsider so that he can win the race and save his beloved raccoon from government tyranny (or something).  We’ve got to take this country back one state at a time,” he said. “We live in the United States of the Offended — not the United States of America.”

Please enjoy this video of Tennessee’s future governor showering with his “Rebekah” as his wife walks in.

h/t: Raw Story

About John Prager

John Prager
John Prager is an unfortunate Liberal soul who lives uncomfortably in the middle of a Conservative hellscape and likes to refer to himself as an "island of reason in a sea of insanity." While he is not a fan of politicians, period, he has developed a deep-seated hatred for the bigotry, fear mongering, and lies of the Right Wing. John also works as a counselor at one of Barry Soetoro's FEMA re-education camps and as a HAARP weather control coordinator. John's life's aspiration is to rule the world with an iron fist, or find that sock he's been looking for. John can be reached at [email protected] if you have any questions or comments.
  • N Willmot

    Maybe he’s not so bad after all. At least he likes and enjoys his friendly raccoon. He’s not trying to shoot it or anything.

  • joebbz2

    Steven Segal and Mark “coonrippy” Brown in 2016. Sarah says, “you betcha”

  • Diana

    Having a raccoon is one thing, letting it run wild outside his home is another. Looks like that guy needs all the showers he can get.

  • Madbunny

    That’s… odd. I’m guessing that raccoons are on his states list of restricted pets, or something?
    I’d say let him have his raccoon.
    I’m not sure how this has anything to do with President Obama other than that conservatives blame everything on Obama.

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