A Tennessee man has decided that he just can’t take big government oppression any longer! What is it that has finally caused licensed arms dealer Mark “Coonrippy” Brown to finally throw his hat in the ring for the Governor’s seat? Is it Benghazi? Chemtrails? Obama’s totalitarian plot to begin his third term with a mass gun-grabbing scheme?
The answer–is none of those! Brown has a different agenda. He’s not worried about a functioning government so much as he is something…else entirely. As Brown says, it’s “all about the coon.” What coon, you ask?
You see, “Coonrippy” had a pet raccoon–complete with collar. Videos of his exploits with “Rebekah ‘Gunshow’ Rippy” (yes, it has a middle and last name) dancing, playing, and even showering with the masked critter have gone viral over the past year. However, the fun times ended when his pet coon was accused to attacking chickens at the local high school. Rebekah was seized by the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency.
Ever since Obama’s stormtroopers marched in an abducted his coon, Brown has been fighting for her release from captivity, even collecting a petition with $60,000 signatures. The totalitarian TRWA, however, returned the petition to “Coonrippy” unanswered and unopened–apparently deciding that they had better things to do than worry about the plight of a single raccoon.
“Governor Haslam ignored the cries from the entire United States,” Brown said of the incident. He hopes that by running for Governor he can “expose the people in office who are not for the people” (or, apparently raccoons). “Coonrippy” went on to say that “He can free prisoners, he can pardon people, but he refused the online petition and refused to accept the letter. All eyes were on Tennessee and it made us look bad. It made it look like we were under Caesar’s law.”
Brown, missing his showering partner terribly, hopes to capitalize on his status as a political outsider so that he can win the race and save his beloved raccoon from government tyranny (or something). We’ve got to take this country back one state at a time,” he said. “We live in the United States of the Offended — not the United States of America.”
Please enjoy this video of Tennessee’s future governor showering with his “Rebekah” as his wife walks in.
h/t: Raw Story