Everybody grab yourself a tray of ice cubes or a handful York Peppermint Patties and throw them down the nearest wishing well for Jesus, because according to Pastor Mark Driscoll, if you’re not a Christian you are “going to Hell” and that includes Jews too.
On a far corner of Twitter this Friday, wedged directly between where Donald Trump has his daily “senior moments” and the Westboro Baptist Church goes to hollering at the homos, Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle decided it was about time he was featured in his own Huffington Post slide show and graced social media with this uplifting gem:
If you are not a Christian, you are going to hell. It’s not unloving to say that. It’s unloving to not say that.
— Mark Driscoll (@PastorMark) January 10, 2014
In as much time as it takes a Tea Partier to say “Benghazi,” all ever-loving hell broke loose on Driscoll’s Twitter account as those who were offended demanded everyone know they were offended, and those who agreed demanding everyone else agree with them. Because God.
Here’s just a sample of the religious Jell-O wrestling match, to end all Jell-O wrestling matches:
Uh, HELLO, people fighting on the Internet, while you’re all slapping each other up side the head with Bible verses and quoting things that Jesus never actually said, you all missed the most important part of that whole tweet. If all non-Christians go to hell, and Jesus himself was a Jew, then he’s been fanning himself against “the vapors” for well over 2000 years now.
And don’t even try to be all “of course Jesus went to Heaven, the Bible was written about him and he’s the son of God,” because everybody knows that the Bible was written by a bunch of oddly named people some time between 45 to 95 years after his death, which means Christianity didn’t exist while Jesus was alive.
So before a whole army of you get all fired up and leave a bunch of comments on here that no one will ever be able see from the trash folder, please direct your attention to the tweet that Pastor Mark Driscoll sent into the world and ask HIM why he just put Jesus in Satan’s crock pot.
h/t: Huffington Post