We’ve heard a lot about Sarah Palin’s drunken Wasil-Mania 20-man free-for all. One witness, who was terminated from his job for speaking out about the event, said that “It was a really nice, mellow party” until the Palins showed up. Then, “it turned into the Jerry Springer show.”
While plenty of eyewitness accounts have been pouring out, there is some conflicting information regarding the hillbilly slugfest that ended with the Palins being forced to leave and, according to multiple accounts, with Sarah screaming “Don’t you know who I am?”
Witness Eric Thompson told ABC News that the events began with a confrontation between Track Palin and teen abstinence superstar Bristol, and an ex-boyfriend of Bristol’s, that ended with mommy’s little sweetheart cold-cocking party host Korey Klingenmeyer in the face.
Another person, however, says that the troubles began shortly after the Palins’ arrival. According to the new witness, Only Todd and Sarah Palin were actually invited to the party, but because she’s Sarah Palin Goddammit, she brought the whole family and some friends in her stretch Hummer limo.
Track and an unidentified friend were getting a teensy bit too friendly with female partygoers, explaining to various women in graphic detail what they would enjoy doing with them. In at least one case, Track was heard telling a woman that he would “bend” her “over the lawn.”
One woman’s husband delivered a fistful of retribution after inappropriate comments were made to his wife, according to blogger Jeanne Devon’s witness. After Track went down like a sack of moose jerky wrapped around large bricks, his buddies rushed to the aid of their fallen comrade, leading to a 20-person dogpile on the lawn over which Track really wanted to bend someone.
For reasons unknown, Bristol began to punch the host in the face repeatedly. Her husband Todd joined in the fight, earning himself a bloody nose, and Sarah attempted to fling herself on top of the pile of bodies after shrieking “Don’t you know who I am?”
Eventually, the host tired of the Palin clan’s antics and kicked them out. The night ended with Track ripping off his shirt and “flipping the bird” at partygoers. According to police, “Alcohol may have been a factor.”
[email protected]#$ING DUH!
Sarah Palin initially tweeted that she was “traveling” in a seeming attempt to imply that she was not present at the party, but there are far too many witnesses. Since Palin is a coward, she allowed an anonymous “friend” to give her side of the story.
The Palins remember things differently.
Aside from her attempt to pretend she was not present, Sarah has not yet provided us with the word salad-laden explanatory speech we have all been craving. RealClearPolitics, however, spoke to someone close to the Palin family. Unsurprisingly, the sun shines out of the Palins’ rear parts.
Apparently everyone agrees on the following:
What no one disputes is that several members of the former first family of Alaska arrived at a well-attended birthday party, at which several competitive snowmobile racers were present.
Todd Palin, himself an elite racer of “snow machines” (as the vehicles are known in the 49th state), was celebrating his 50th birthday that night, though the party was not being held on his behalf.
With a live band, dancing, and the former governor rocking red-white-and-blue high-tops, everyone seemed to be having a good time.
Most agree that Track started the fight:
According to previously published eyewitness reports, the fracas began when Track Palin, the former governor’s adult son, confronted a former boyfriend of his 20-year-old sister, Willow.
But Team Palin claims Willow’s ex started it:
But according to the Palin family’s version of events, the instigator was actually the former boyfriend.
The initial tussle occurred, the source said, after the young man in question “tried to get in” to the Hummer limousine after he’d engaged in some unspecified “questionable behavior.”
Track Palin soon found himself struggling to fend off four men who had “piled on him,” according to the source.
Todd Palin then inserted himself into the brawl, which left the former “First Dude” of Alaska bleeding.
Next, it was Sarah Palin’s turn to leave her own mark on the most talked about rumble in Anchorage since the 1964 earthquake.
On the previous night, she had been in Houston to speak at a fundraiser benefiting the Mighty Oaks Warrior Foundation, which helps wounded veterans. That event apparently was fresh on Palin’s mind when she engaged in the tumult on Saturday night.
And of course, the ever-humble Sarah Palin would never shout something as conceited as “don’t you know who I am?”
According to the source, as her husband and son were trading blows with their adversaries, Palin was yelling (in reference to her son), “Don’t you know who he is? He’s a vet!”
This rendition of her words differs slightly but significantly from a previous report, which had Palin shouting, “Don’t you know who I am?”
Over the years, Sarah Palin has spoken frequently about her son’s U.S. Army service in the Iraq War, and Track currently serves as a counselor, working with veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.
She was just being “Mama Grizzly.”
“From my understanding, she was in full ‘mama grizzly’ mode defending the kids,” the source said of Sarah Palin’s mindset.
According to the source, Track Palin left the fight nursing four cracked ribs, while his father was bloodied up.
At some point, Bristol Palin became involved in the free-for-all, but the Palin source took issue with a report suggesting she had brandished a “mean right hook,” noting that the eldest Palin daughter is left-handed.
See folks? She was just defending her kids…as long as we gloss over everything else and contradict numerous witness accounts.