Sarah Palin, and by extension, her network, has officially jumped the moose.
When it comes to finding a snapshot of everything thing that’s wrong with the American Culture, you can’t go wrong if you start with Sarah Palin. The Best Gift John McCain Gave to the Democrats appeared on a recent episode on her self-named channel, shilling for her book while, at the same time, speaking about the true nature of Christmas.
According to Palin, the true nature of the holiday lies in family get-togethers (presumably, sans brawling; nothing says Christmas Cheer like a right hook from Bristol Palin) and the secret to prosperity over the holiday season lies in not letting “a few angry atheists and attorneys” get the better of your holiday celebrations.
“Oh, I am so excited for people to get to read this Christmas book,” Sarah said, reminding everyone that the proper way to protect the heart of Christmas comes handwritten sticker from Palin herself that says “Fund me.” She added “protecting the heart of Christmas and not allowing the Scrooges out there to take Christ out of Christmas, or to erode any of the tradition we celebrate during the Christmas season.”
And after Scrooge took the Christ out of Christmas, he vanished to the Isle of Misfit Toys where his heart grew three sizes that day and a little boy with a blue blanket explained the true meaning of Christmas while everyone gathered around a twig.
And then Governor Perry arrived and announced, “Merry Jewish Christmas, everyone, and a Happy Chinese New Year.”
Palin went on to say that she believes her year old book will “hopefully will spark some inspiration in other people to allow them, no matter what faith anyone is, allow them some Christmas joy to spread.” Christmas joy comes in many flavors, including her “moose chili,” the recipe for which is featured in her book. It’s rumored that a “Russian/Backyard Special” was cut for space, but the book does include other treats, like rice krispie treats and blue-berry pies. Palin noted that back in her day, her family had to “compete” with native Alaskan bears to harvest the berries first.
Apparently the bears shop at Walmart in Alaska. This is vaguely terrifying.
Watch the video below: