Normally when Sean Hannity and Sarah Palin get together the most that ever comes out of it is what you’d expect — vapidity and extremist rhetoric blathered out for a segment or two of must-scream TV. This means normally I recommend steering clear, but I think I’m going to have to start re-thinking that plan. Last night on Hannity’s Faux News show Palin let slip some information that liberals around the world can take heart and rejoice in.
Sarah Palin is considering running for the Senate in 2014.
I have no idea, but here are my five best guesses:
#5. She Wants To See The White House From Where She Lives
She’s already become an expert on Russia by living in Alaska. So Palin figures what better way to look presidential than to live and work near the White House? Maybe if the American people saw her working around the White House for a senatorial term or two, they’d not be so utterly terrified of the bowl of Jell-O with a pulse being remotely in charge of anything. That’s not going to happen because she’ll also be talking and that’ll ruin any progress she makes, but hey, it’s okay to dream Sarah!
#4. She Loves Comedians and Wants to Give Them Material for All Her Vapid Days
As it turns out, Sarah’s just a real big fan of comedy. Watching Tina Fey lambaste her during the 2008 presidential election must have sparked a love for the comedic arts in her, because she seems to have been hell-bent on creating endless streams of material (at her expense) ever since. It was hard to imagine her looking any dumber than she did in ’08, and then she went and put herself on a reality show and played Fascist Barbie on Fox News for a while. She’s a walking, talking punch line, and we couldn’t be more thrilled to have her possibly back in politics again.
#3. Because No Office Is Too High…For Her To Quit
Quitting a governorship is not easy. Being a governor makes you the chief executive of one of the fifty states of the union, so it takes a truly Herculean effort to walk away from that much fame and power. Sarah made sure she accomplished that feat, and now she wants to move on to (quitting) higher offices. Once she wins a Senate seat, she’ll be free to
win quit the vice-presidency and eventually the presidency.
#2. She’s Got Terrible Short-Term Memory Loss
Apparently Palin thinks the whole world is on the same neurotoxins that her constituents must have to be on to support her, because she really thinks she’s qualified. Even though she was a terrible, corrupt governor, a truly disastrous vice-presidential candidate and a worthless commentator on any media outlet whose audience registers a collective IQ in even the moderate double-digit area, she honestly believes enough people still think she’s worth a shit to vote for. Maybe that’s true; maybe voters in Alaska forget failure easily, but it’s hard to imagine people in the state where she quit her last elected position going back to the polls and putting her in the Senate. Then again, this is America and logic doesn’t always win the day, does it?
#1. She Thinks We’re All Stupid
If it’s not short-term memory loss Sarah’s banking on, it must be outright stupidity, because it would take stupidity the size of Alaska (oh, shit) for any group of voters to trust Palin enough with the kind of power and prestige that comes with being a United States Senator. Then again…Ted Cruz. Palin is clearly planning on her base showing up and voting her based on name recognition and party affiliation, because there is no way that Sarah Palin would win an elementary school election without some serious party politics at play. Sarah must know something about her constituents than we do, because in the five years since she was trounced by Obama-Biden, the world hasn’t heard less stupidity out of her mouth, we’ve heard an alarming increase of it.
Consider the popcorn popped.
Watch the crew of Morning Joe mock Palin in this video from MediaITE: