When you get Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson and babbling, bobble-headed train wreck Sarah Palin on camera together, it is almost certain that the conversation will be filled with more verbal diarrhea than if Palin had been the recipient of Derby’s Dose on taco night.
On Labor Day Weekend, the Duck dynasty crew joined Bible Spice for a very special cookout — and Palin was dumb enough to record evidence of the monumental collision of two stupid fronts.
Robertson kicked off the festivities by telling the “good people of America” that we all need to “repent and turn to God, and turn our country around, and get offa this crap we’ve been running on for about thirty years.”
“And let me add, too,” interjected Palin, “It’s not just him sayin’ it. It’s somebody sayin’ it through him.” Palin pointed skyward, apparently indicating that Robertson was confusing the voices in his head with imaginary messages from a supreme being. “God says, ‘If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray, I will come in. I will repair their land.’ He’s promising that; Phil’s just reminding — in very unique ways, he’s able to remind us of that.”
Palin said, and Robertson agreed, that she is a true conservationist because she’s “gonna use God-given resources for the betterment of mankind. That’s why he put ’em here, right? All of our resources: minerals, oil, gas, the animals to eat. Everything can — and we’ll do it responsibly because in perpetuity we want this to continue.” She concluded that “environmental wackos” don’t know what they’re talking about. “They need to talk to us about how we responsibly develop as true conservationists,” Bargain Bin Barbie said.
Robertson, who thinks black people were better off under Jim Crow laws, once again repeated his newfound opinion that people of all races are equal, but asserted that non-whites have no right to celebrate their own heritage and do not deserve to be protected when necessary legally because Robertson suddenly believes there’s only one race.
We find ourselves very curious about a very awkward edit during Robertson’s talk on race. “My sociology professor, uh, he alerted all of us that there were three, according to them — the experts — the people who had studied it, there were three races – [VERY OBVIOUS EDIT] –there was one race of people on this Earth, it’s called the human race.”
He spoke against “All this color coding and the crap that comes along with it,” and asserted that “each race taught their children that they were this that differences, so we’re goin’ around in America and we hollerin’ ‘it’s the Indian-Americans, and it’s the Oriental-Americans, and it’s the African-Americans. After a while, you look at all of what comes out of that and it’s just one race.”
Robertson said that he just does not see a downside in a belief that God can raise you from the dead and “get you off of planet Earth alive.”
Palin agreed wholeheartedly, and then made an admission to something of which we have all been aware for quite some time — she’s a bit simple-minded: “And for simple-minded people like me, that’s what I crave. That’s what I want to know. That’s what I’m supposed to know.” She claimed that, “That’s the majority of people.” She told Robertson that, “God’ll rock your world.”
Palin once again asserted that our Founding Fathers were “godly men,” and that “all of our charters of liberty” were founded upon “Judeo-Christian principles.” Palin said that our elected officials are “shooing” God out and pretending that they are him.
Robertson railed against “political correctness,” a term right-wingers often use to describe “equality” and “fairness.” He told Palin, “At some point we’re gonna have to take political correctness and shove it from where it came from. We oughtta go with Biblical correctness.”
Robertson decided to finish on a strong note –no, he did not rehash his assertion that men should marry young teenagers…before they are old maids at 20 — Robertson said that we need more women in the White House who are capable of cooking a moose.
Robertson complimented Palin’s ability to bake up some moose, and told viewers that “We. Need. Moose-Cooking. Women. In the White House.”
Robertson’s advice is certainly worth noting. Recently, he solved the ISIS problem for America: convert them to Christianity or kill them.” After all, that worked during the Crusades, right?
Watch this moronic display, below — and try not to laugh too hard as you watch both Palin and Robertson pass out while the other is talking: