It was near or about October the 5th, 1993, when I lost my faith in God. I had gone to a prayer vigil for a little girl who had been kidnapped from her bedroom on October the 1st in Petaluma California. She was a beautiful 12 year old girl that looked like everyone’s little sister. Her name was Polly Klaas.
There were thousands of prayer vigils held both here and abroad for Polly. I remember thinking then that if the Almighty was going to grant a miracle, it would be for Polly because the sheer volume of prayers being said for her would have been enough to sway the good Lord to bring Polly home safe, but he didn’t. It took 2 months before we learned the horrible truth.
This morning I happened to catch your letter to the people of Ocala and Marion counties calling on them to
do absolutely nothing ‘pray the bullets away.’
That infirmity seems right contagious here Chief. I’ve seen Marcus Bachman desperately trying to pray the gay away. I’ve even seen Rick Perry rent out an entire stadium for a ‘pray for rain’ day but I have never seen anyone try ‘pray the bullets away.’
Did you consider contacting a few witch doctors, Shaman or some other entity that might get word to the Sky Daddy above and see if he might make the bullets go away Chief? Maybe some Rastafarians could blow the happy smoke and make them vanish like Harry Potter Mon?
The problem with ‘praying the bullets away’ chief is that it’s a perfect excuse to do absolutely nothing and absolutely anything else but addressing the problem. I can think of many solutions that would address the problem of children being hit with bullets and, because I am familiar with the laws of physics, I can say with absolute certainty that no matter how hard you and a million others pray, there is no magic Jesus shield that’s going to drop down and stop a bullet traveling at 1600 fps for Christ’s sake!
I don’t know what it will actually take for you to get off the flaccid side of your ass and do something about the children of Marion and Ocala counties running into stray bullets but there is one absolute god damn certainty and that’s the fact that prayer isn’t going to do a damn thing to help! We aren’t paying you to sit at your typewriter and pound out your prayer platitudes! You’re being paid to get out on the street and at least give the criminals the impression there’s one extra cop on the street that isn’t begging the “supernatural spiritual” world for help in the real world you fatuous nincompoop! I’m sure the criminals weren’t hunched over in agony from laughing their asses off at you staring them down with your intimidating prayer vigil Chief! Feel free to send us a letter letting us know how that ‘pray the bullets away’ worked out will you? God only burned another 2000 square miles of Texas to ash after Rick Perry’s Prayerpalooza and Marcus is still fighting the ‘gay barbarians’ by having them over to his leather dungeon whenever Michelle isn’t around.