A lot of life is a matter of the decisions we make — what we’re willing to accept in exchange for what we get. Emotions like fear and love matter (probably), but in the end it all comes down to a simple calculation of pros and cons, a basic cost-benefit analysis. Benefit: Being married to a handsome multi-millionaire football player, and living a blissful life of comfort and wealth 99.99% of the time. Cost: Spending 0.01% of the time knocked out cold in an elevator, to be subsequently dragged into the hallway by your hair. Secondary analysis for saying anything about it and leaving: some initial chance of being murdered, particularly were the revelation not made public enough.
Janay Rice (then Palmer) released the first half of her cost-benefit analysis after the elevator incident, when she married the man who had knocked her out cold barely a month before. And now that the elevator footage of that attack has gone public (depicting also her super-ballsy, Spartan-like charge after getting hit the first time), and after seeing her recent husband get fired, Janay releases the second part of her cost-benefit analysis on Instagram yesterday.
I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend. But you have to accept the fact that reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that the media and unwanted [opinions] from the public has cause my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass off for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow and show the world what real love is! Ravens nation we love you!
Indeed, it must seem like a nightmare for both of them. They both busted their asses to have the lives they did — or in Janay’s case, busted her head. Probably not for the first or last time. The cost has been paid, but the benefit withheld.
“I feel like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend.”
Fair enough. Dreams are many peoples’ closest friends, and the death of a dream is worth mourning. But this particular individual’s dreams seemed to be more of easy luxury than of true love for an individual; but the death of a dream is still a death worth mourning.
A willing victim is still a victim, and there’s no doubt Janay Rice is exactly that. Any man who hurts a woman should be fired, stripped of all his belongings, tied to a chair and relentlessly beaten by the woman’s five biggest male friends, in turn, for a minimum of 12 minutes each.
That was exactly the message that Janay had the opportunity to send both then and now. But that’s not what her personal cost-benefit analysis dictated was best. Certainly, some women are afraid of violence after the fact, but read closely — here is not the voice or the face of fear, but the bitter lament of one publicly denied the benefits of a cost she was privately willing to pay. The “embarrassment” in this case clearly isn’t the abuse itself — it’s the public humiliation of a bad investment, and of a private calculation anyone would feel ashamed for having revealed.
And that kind of analysis…that’s a net loss for abused women everywhere.