The countdown to the last episode of the Colbert Report may have begun, but Stephen’s not done getting the biggest names there are to appear on his show. Even his temps are top flight. True, Jon Stewart might have gotten John Oliver to fill in, but Steve himself is never short of a few interns looking to make it big in the spotlight. Last night, a new name landed on that list…some Muslim kid from Kenya.
This is the third time Barack Obama’s been on the Colbert Report, but this time was a little special. Last night’s episode aired from George Washington University’s Lisner Auditorium in Washington D.C.; Stephen said the move was to “finally give the Washington Monument a pair of balls,” but as likely it was to say goodbye to a place Colbert called “the show’s second home.” And he wanted to return “to show it the same affection the British did in 1812.”
Unfortunately, though, Stephen didn’t make it through even the first segment of his show before, as is the way in Washington, a foreign national communist dictator arbitrarily decided to do his job for him. As he launched into The Word, Barack Obama strode onstage.
Obama’s booking for the episode was no secret beforehand, but Stephen was still shocked. “I wasn’t expecting you here for another three minutes!” But Obama had sinister motives afoot.
“Stephen, you’ve been taking a lot of shots at my job. I decided I’m gonna go ahead and take a shot at yours…what part of the segment were we in? What were you going to be doing?”
Stephen informed him that he was about to do The Word, and Obama proceed to “just say whatever you were about to say.” But not before changing the name of the segment (via imperial fiat) to the slightly more presidential The Decree. The leading line: To Health in a Handbasket. Said Obama/Colbert:
“There are things people from both parties actually like about Obamacare.” (Everything but the “Obama”)
“Nearly seven million people signed up last year, and almost one million more have signed up in just the past few weeks.” (So, half as popular as Grumpy Cat video)
Obama then proceeded to take a shot at Stephen’s coming move to CBS, and dropped a not-so-subtle hint as to what would happen if the now-Republican congress attempted to repeal Obamacare. In a word: VETO.
“And, let’s face it: Even if Republicans did repeal it, they’d have to replace it with their own healthcare plan.” (Fracking the Elderly?) “And once they tough it, they own it. And then if anything goes wrong, suddenly everybody will be complaining about Mitch McConnellcare.” (Walk-It-Off.gov)
Obama also took a few shots at the Healthcare.gov website rollout:
“I think that’s where Disney got the idea for Frozen.”
From there, he said that going on comedy shows was “beneath his dignity.” The screen crawl said “But above his approval rating.”