America needs more catapults. ASAP.
Quick thought experiment. How long does it take you to read these signs?
If you’re like me, and you made some attempt to read all of them, you squinted your way to 10 to 12 seconds. Sure, it would have gone faster with a larger picture, but this one more accurately represents what you’d see from this distance, riding behind that black SUV.
Why is this relevant? Because these signs were hanging over California’s death-on-a-stick I-5 freeway, and you were going about 60 mph while reading them and covered something like 900 feet while squinting at said freeway overpass. Even if you didn’t really read all of them, even if you only glanced up for two seconds as you passed under the overpass, you still easily covered the 370 feet. One second: the 88 feet between you and that SUV driver, who let off the gas to read those signs himself.
Freeway signs are one of the most recent Teabagger fads, and like most of them, this one isn’t particularly well thought-out. Freedom of speech is fine, and everyone has the right to protest. But it’s one thing to protest in a park (where the worst thing that might happen is someone running into a duck pond) and another to express your opinion amid several thousand tons of rushing steel, aluminum and human beings.
Many cities have laws regarding billboard placement and content for exactly this reason. Distractions already account for between 17 and 25 percent of all crashes that occur on American roads, and something like 3,000 people a year die because of them. While a fair number of those happened because of texting, phone calls or playing with the radio, about 30 percent were the result of distractions from outside the car.
It’s not as though Teabaggers care, though. They’re more concerned with trying to get Obama impeached for being black than the black people driving under that overpass. Thier narcissistic obsession with protesting for the sanctity of life in the womb has nothing to do with the pregnant mothers they’re putting in harm’s way.
You might be asking “OK, then…where are the death statistics for these signs? How many accidents happen under them or near them?” I’ll be the first to say that that data doesn’t exist, partly because this fad’s only exploded fairly recently. But, as the cunt-weasels over at Tea Party Conservatives of America proudly proclaimed on July 31st: “26,000 on Overpasses as of today!!! The growth continues.”
So, how does this affect our national function, outside of twisted metal death on the highway? Well enough to drive soldiers to unthinkingly violate the Uniform Code of Military Justice by honking in support of anti-presidential protesters while operating military equipment:
Of course, Teabaggers aren’t exactly known for their grasp of the Big Picture, or social context. They’re all about the “Word of Law,” provided that that word occurs between the first and the last of the Second Amendment. Otherwise, they could give a damn less about the well-being of the public or the nation. See how they cheer the undermining of the code that keeps our military operating? That’s legal cherrypicking at its finest, ladies and gentlemen.
None of that matters, though, as long as they’re seen holding overpass signs or voting for the 40th time to end socialist medicine. Can’t afford to get primaried, after all.
I think I’m going to mount a catapult in the bed of my truck.