A responsible, patriotic, gun-toting citizen is behind bars after he pointed a semiautomatic rifle at two women while exercising his right to openly blasturbate in an Arizona airport coffee shop. Dr. Paul Nathan Steinmetz, a neuroscientist at Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix, strapped his AR-15 to his shoulder and headed off to a Starbucks inside a terminal at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport.
No, the issue was not that he brought a gun into an airport–apparently, that’s fine. The Phoenix New Times reported that he was doing “nothing wrong” until he irresponsibly pointed his loaded weapon at a mother and her 17-year-old daughter in the “B”-gate waiting area. According to police, it is not generally illegal to carry a loaded, semi-automatic weapon into a crowded airport terminal. However, Police Sergeant Steve Martos said that the issue was “the way he was carrying it.”
After heroically purchasing his coffee with the aid of his trusty penile enhancement device, Steinmetz walked to the “non-secure” part of the “B”-gate waiting area. He “then proceeded to remove the AR-15 from his right shoulder thus causing the muzzle to face two victims sitting to the right…” the booking sheet reads. “Both victims, a mother and her 17-year-old daughter, both stated they felt in fear of their safety when the rifle was pointed in their direction.”
Steinmetz was arrested and booked into Maricopa County Jail. Police are seeking two felony counts of disorderly conduct with a weapon.
Carmelle Malkovich, Barrow spokeswoman, released a statement explaining that the situation is being monitored:
“We can confirm that Peter Steinmetz is employed as a researcher with St. Joseph’s Hospital and Medical Center. We are aware of the situation and are taking it very seriously. At present this issue is being handled by Human Resources and our policy is not to comment on HR matters.”
Steinmetz is due back in court on Thursday at 8:30 and has been ordered to surrender his weapons.