Do not attempt to adjust your monitor — you are in fact seeing a very special, two-in-one-day showing of AATTP’s Non Award-Winning series Only in Florida. In this episode, a woman who set her boyfriend on fire for texting another girl invokes an unusual defense. And stranger still, it doesn’t involve Stand Your Ground. Welcome…to Only in Florida II. (cue Doctor Who theme, again.)
This episode takes place in the West Florida Coast city of Bradenton, a place known for its beautiful beaches, retiree-friendly atmosphere, and a disproportionate population of people who can never seem to find the glasses on their heads. The couple in question, though, are a bit younger.
They are Marcos Fuentes and his 35-year-old live-in girlfriend, Necole Stephens. That much is known for certain. As is the fact that Marcos was recently taken to the hospital with burns over 20 percent of his body. But how he got to that point…well, that’s the usual he-said-she-said…Florida style.
Marcos’ Story: He was texting someone on his phone, when Necole entered the room and became insanely jealous that he was talking to another girl. Whereupon, she doused him with rubbing alcohol, and proceeded to set him on fire. After the attempted murder-by-fire, she fled the scene. Marcos put himself out, and called emergency services.
Necole’s Story: They were just taking The Alcohol Challenge. Things went awry, and she fled to another Bradenton residence “because she was scared.”
And what is the Alcohol Challenge, you might ask? It’s kind of like the Matrix. Nobody can be told what the Alcohol Challenge is — you have to see it for yourself:
Yes, that’s right — the challenge is to douse yourself with rubbing alcohol, and put the flames out before you burn to death.
Now, you might be saying to yourself:
“Well, that’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.”
And you’d be right. But you’ve probably notice a certain…let’s say…ethnic theme amongst fans of the Alcohol Challenge. Hey, it’s true. Look it up. Which leads us to a somewhat more disturbing observation. Question really.
Is that how BAD America has gotten these days? That, for people of color, given a choice between going out for a good time and staying home, the safer of the two options is now officially
SETTING YOURSELF ON FIRE??
We need to have a talk, America.
But, that’s more of a national issue. Here’s something that could happen Only in Florida:
A woman attempts to use the most insane thing you ever seen of a legitimate defense for the most insanely violent assault you’ve ever hear of.
But “insanity” and “violent assaults” have long been relative concepts in the Sunshine State.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.
H/T: The Smoking Gun