I want to feel sorry for these people, I really do. I want to at least feign plausible outrage. But it’s not happening. After all, Donald “Greed is God ” Trump did ultimately give these people what they came for.
The Trump University scam is nothing new — back in the late 90s and early 2000s, you couldn’t walk past a Days Inn conference room without seeing a few dozen would-be millionaires, hanging on some speaker’s every enthusiastic word about the IMMEDIATE and ENDLESS profit potential of PENGUIN SUPPOSITORIES! Just listen to Homeless Joe here…He made 70 GLEPTRILLION DOLLARS in SIX MINUTES, and he now drives a Brand. New. ACURA.
Do you want to know how Homeless Joe got his Brand. New. ACURA? Of course you do…just leave your blank check on the counter, and we’ll schedule you for our next seminar: How to Get Rich Attending Seminars, and Then Mortgage Your House to Invest in the 90s Real Estate Bubble. You have to go TAKE that Brand. New. ACURA!
Sadly for them, attendees of Trump University plopped down as much as $35,000 to absorb The Donald’s years of wisdom and insider secrets, eagerly awaiting the moment that their thetans were clear enough to stand in the presence of His Donaldness himself. But, that moment never came, for the closest the Church of Donaldtology ever got to Trump’s God-like hairpiece was a life-sized photo of it. A False Idol, if ever there was one.
But, then again, anyone who looks to a sack of goat urine like Trump for guidance in life already worships a false idol, who himself worships the false idol of gold. Are you REALLY going to act surprised to burn your feet at his already-flaming altar?
I’m not saying these people got what they deserved; ignorance, hope and ambition aren’t punishable offenses. Without those three things, we would never have had Pillsbury’s Cinnamon Roll Toaster Strudel. And the world would be a poorer place for it. But society told Donaltology’s parishioners to worship at the feet of bottomless greed, and they listened. They, with all due warning, spent good money to learn how to make it on Wall Street.
Say what you will about him, The Donald certainly didn’t leave his followers without the education he promised.