By AATTP Contributor News Makeup
FAIRFAX, Va. — To protect “The right of our nation’s children to a safe and productive learning environment,” the National Rifle Association of America issued a statement this morning proposing that tenure for public school teachers be replaced with guns.
In the statement, NRA Vice President Wayne LaPierre argued that tenure, the system under which teachers who have performed their jobs competently for a certain number of years are guaranteed employment without periodic contract renewals, makes it too difficult to fire incompetent teachers, and that “we owe it to our children to explore alternative options, such as guns.”
“We’ve been so misdirected by the liberal exploitation of the Sandy Hook tragedy that we’ve forgotten what schools are really about,” said LaPierre, “and that is learning. How can we guarantee that our children are learning if their teachers cannot be fired, even for being habitually late, or teaching evolution, or bringing a loaded firearm into the classroom?”
“We can’t,” LaPierre concluded. “And that is why we are proposing an innovative and inclusive new system of guns.”
Though LaPierre spoke about the plan for nearly twenty minutes, no details were provided. Instead, the gun rights advocate chose to simply rephrase the proposal in as many ways as possible, periodically repeating the refrain: “We can’t fire teachers, but we can fire guns.”
By the end of the speech, LaPierre had taken to citing perceived problems about the American education system, shrugging and suggesting “Guns,” often without regard for coherent grammatical structure.
“We need to stop protecting adult teachers and start some guns,” said LaPierre, his voice booming with conviction. “In no other field do we reward seniority over proficiency, but guns? And after as little as three years! Guns. And no more with the cost of removing incompetent and lazy teachers. Just as with standardized testing, so it is with or, possibly, without guns.”
“Guns, guns, guns,” LaPierre added.
According to a recent poll, the suggestion has not been well received by the more than half of Americans who believe it makes slightly less sense than last week’s proposal to arm teachers in public schools nationwide.
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