By AATTP Contributing Author, Han Chimpson
In North Carolina, Rep. Rayne Brown, R-Davidson, and Rep. Tim Moffitt (R-Buncombe) have conspired to declare open season on female nipples in the state. Their bill, House Bill 34, would make it a Class H felony to expose “external organs of sex and of excretion, including the nipple, or any portion of the areola, of the human female breast.”
Yes, you read that right – a felony. We know we take a decidedly liberal view here at AATTP, but this seems extreme even by TEApublican standards!
Offenders could be punished by up to 6 months in jail. There is, however, an exemption for breast-feeding.
The (ahem) titillating details behind the motive for this bill are as follows: In the liberal, hipster city of Asheville, the second annual topless protest and women’s rally was held this past August. According to the Asheville Citizen-Times, the event last year drew around a dozen topless women, who took off their shirts to “promote women’s equality.” Even though Brown’s district is over 100 miles away from Asheville, some of her constituents got wind of the event and called Brown out of “concern.”
Apparently, the “concern” was that people might have gotten a *gasp* glimpse of a woman’s nipple, in an event publicized as a topless protest, where one would deduce that there might be topless women there and not attend if they were offended by such displays. But that kind of logic isn’t good enough for TEApublicans, who claim to be all about small government and personal responsibility, yet routinely seem to make exceptions when it comes to anything having to do with the female body.
So, as Esquire magazine hilariously named it, the “North Carolina Nipple Defense Act of 2013” has made it out of committee, and will now go to the North Carolina House floor. And if it eventually passes and becomes the law of the land, North Carolina Rep. Tim Moore, R-Cleveland, has a suggestion to those women who may be in danger of criminally exposing their nipple or areola, even if they are not trying to…
You know what they say – duct tape fixes everything.
North Carolina Committee Chairwoman Rep. Sarah Steven (R) further suggested that women could use “pasties” or “nipple coverings” just to be safe, in the event that a woman’s choice of fashion might accidentally leave any portion of her nipple or areola exposed. If it does pass, I’m sure the people of N.C. will feel much safer knowing that deputies working the “North Carolina Nipple and Areola Patrol” are roaming the stands at NASCAR races and beaches along the Atlantic Ocean, diligently searching for felonious female offenders. What a brilliant allocation of limited law enforcement resources that would be! Men, of course, are still allowed to romp shirtless in the surf without threat of prosecution under the new law.
Many are unaware that until the 1930’s, it was against the law in the United States for men to go topless, even on the beach. There were eventually enough topless protests by men to get that law changed. One might wonder if women will ever do the same. Or will the puritanical whims of TEApublican politicians continue to curtail the rights that women have over their own bodies, and their desire to expose or not expose their God-given parts?
Han Chimpson spends a lot of time monkeying around at the Ayn Rand Collected Social Security page, and thinks you are cool enough to do the same.
Progressive Populist
If they pass this, what are drunk girls going to flash at concerts? (@) (@)
Okay,exactly what are they smoking,in bill 34 men should be excluded from it,as they are still trying to find out why they have got nipples in the first place,and two of them to boot ?
What i dont see here is anybody from North Carolina step up and say ” Enough ” and do something about this . Call them Senatetrash and Congresscums and tell em if you vote for this , we the people will recall your asses and bounce you out of there . I know if this was happening in Pa . I would be on the phone tomorrow . Im sick and tired of these dirtbags trying to pass their fake ass morals on us while they are out there cheating on their wives with 10 different women at a time . The people of North Carolina need to band together and fight this !!
Don,
Call their offices anyway, even if you don’t live there.
Most of these politicians ONLY get letters from crackpots and angry wackos.
If that’s all they get, they think that is the consensus of the people.
Sending well-written, correctly spelled letters lets them know that there are others with sensible opinions. Calls to their offices also lets them know, especially when they are in the WRONG.
I have called the offices of many representatives from several different states and voiced my opinion to their assistants, who do take notes, and have received emails in response.
Try it. It works!
I refuse to believe that man said “duct tape fixes everything” as a solution. That simply cannot be true. Is this The Onion?
These Republicans have the sexual maturity of a 10 year old. What is so disturbing about a girls nipple, exactly? I reckon they’re pretty awesome :P
This will never work. Criminals will always be able to get their hands on nipples. This just penalizes law abiding nipple owners and is a tyrannical attempt to take away our nipple liberties. If some fascist dictator tries to take away my nipples, I’ll say “Not until you pry them from my warm, moist hands.” The only thing that can stop a bad woman with a nipple, is a good woman with a nipple.
But think of all the children who have been killed by nipples. What about them? Have they no rights?
Of course this would make breast feeding in public a felony. Brilliantly stupid or intended?
There is an exception for breastfeeding, thank goodness.
You should read the very short bill. It includes a provision exempting breastfeeding.
I think that if they are going to make it a crime for a woman to expose their breasts the same should apply to men. Otherwise it is sexual discrimination.
With so many willing to “contribute” their opinions nowadays, I feel there is something we ALL may have overlooked.
Why in hell don’t you get a life and QUIT messing with me and mine?
Personal responsibility? Seems the only thing you people want to take “personal responsibility” for is your indignation when someone tells you to sit down and shut
up; it isn’t YOUR right or privilege to dictate to everyone else. If you DON’T have a
VESTED interest in something__go over there while those who do deal with it; if you
don’t have a dog in the fight; get back. A man having anything to say about birth-control,
beyond the price of condoms, is an idiot; someone who has never smoked making “policy decisions” concerning tobacco is just as ridiculous; and if you aren’t gay, black, poor, a woman, or whatever is being discussed at the moment; STHU. It does NOT concern you and nobody REALLY cares what you have to say. If you are going to “give me your opinion” let me come order your dinner for you; just saying, same difference.
My state…..for fucks sake, really??? Of course we also changed the way we calculate how much the sea rises so the state government can deny global warming is happening. We’ll see how well that works out when people at the coast are standing in 3 feet of water in their living rooms.
Nipples, good. Tea partiers, bad.
The bill itself says those who expose “private parts” “in the presence of any other person less than 16 years of age for the purpose of arousing or gratifying sexual desire shall be guilty of a Class H felony.” So it’s not just exposing a nipple, it’s exposing a nipple to someone underage with sexual intent.
Business must have slowed at the corporate prisons.
These churchy types are really sick. Next, women will be accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake — or it will be a felony to say the earth is spherical.
Which makes me think… How different things would have been if we had persecuted puritans instead of witches.
Yes we have them… The shame is that our educational system reflects and promotes this mentality. if this is considered antiquated one should go to the source for a real shock. Once outside the major educational institutions areas, some mentalities go back to the 18th century. It is still the Old South and don’t let no one persuade otherwise…..
I wonder if they realize that the Felony would make it illegal for them to own a gun? Probably haven’t thought that far a Head yet