Who could have seen this coming? Yes, it’s hard to believe, but in a sport that by definition serves as a cathartic release for mindless violence, people are engaging in…uhhh…the cathartic release of mindless violence.
Now, that might sound like irony, but it isn’t — it’s only irony if the punchline isn’t the result of the setup. And with violence-glorifying idiots both in and running the NFL, it’s one Hell of a setup they have.
In this segment, Jon Stewart gives us an update on the NFL’s ever-evolving Spore of domestic violence scandal. First, the inevitable Ray Rice, the seed of all that is NFL domestic violence scandal. Then onto the Carolina Panthers’ Greg Hardy, and finally to Minnesota Vikings star running back Adrian Petersen, who recently apologized for takin’ a switch to his 4-year-old young-‘uns’ legs. Here’s what that looked like, if you’re interested.
Stewart quipped to the man who said “I’m not a perfect parent, but I’m not a child abuser”:
Here’s a tip for any pro football players out there, curious as to whether or not they may be child abusers: You can’t do something to a four-year-old that you are not allowed to do to a 300 pound lineman in a helmet and pads.”
Throughout the segment, Jon criticizes the NFL for flip-flopping on punishing their players for these offenses, saying:
“It’s the kind of firm decision making we’ve come to expect from people who don’t know what the f*ck they’re doing.”
But Sean Hannity knows what he’s doing, somehow managing a slip-in bit of homophobic, hatemongering distraction that we’d have to admit was, in its own way, just a bit’a beautiful.
But we’ve seen no trace of irony so far. Don’t worry, it’s coming. Now.
The NFL’s suspension, then immediate reinstatement of Greg Hardy apparently got a few hairs up, but not at the NFL. No, it took the NFL’s biggest sponsor writing a scornful letter to the league to get the Panther put down. Said this sponsor:
And that sponsor? Anheuser-Bush. Yes, the beer company, Anheuser-Bush. It was only after this letter that the NFL put Hardy on permanent vacation.
Jon Stewart comments:
“How crazy is this? A company that sells alcohol, is the moral touchstone of the NFL. ALCOHOL…maybe one of the only substances that is proven scientifically to increase the likelihood of domestic abuse…that company is saying to the NFL ‘Uhh…you guys got a real problem here. That’s like Captain Morgan showing up at a frat party going “ARRGH, Mateys, I’m tryin’ ta sleep!”