As we all know, Barack Obama is an evil man. When Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 was downed by a missile that appears to have been fired by pro-Russian militants in the Ukraine, the President just didn’t do enough. Sure, he talked about the tragedy with Putin and pledged United States support for an investigation–but then, he had the nerve to have a cheeseburger–a [email protected]#$ing cheeseburger!
As we all know, right-wing deity St. Ronnie Reagan would never have stuffed meat down his gullet following such a tragedy. St. Ronnie was a real man. He cut his vacation short and immediately–immediately–rushed back to the White House to address the nation. Just ask conservative heroine Holly Hobby Lobby.
Jon Stewart addressed President Obama’s grievous lack of Americanness on the Monday edition of The Daily Show. Saint Ronnie, when confronted with a similar situation, dropped everything, donned his cape (no tights, though; tights are for ‘the gays’), and flew back to the White House to deal with the problem straight away.
Senator Lindsey Graham explained that President Obama didn’t call Putin enough schoolyard names. “One, President Obama didn’t call Putin the thug that he is,” Graham explained in a clip Stewart rolled.
“Saint Ronnie dealt with a similar situation in 1983 when the Soviet Union shot down a Korean passenger plane off the coast of Japan. I’ll never forget how he responded. How did he respond again?” Stewart cut to clips of Republicans blatantly fabricating the history of America’s favorite actor-turned-President.
“Reagan was at the ranch in California. He immediately came back,” one commentator said. “He immediately rushed home form Santa Barbara,” another added. “He immediately came home,” said Morning Joe host Joe Scarborough, before he retracted his moronic claim on Twitter.
“Immediately!” exclaimed Stewart. “Plane crashes, they go to tell Reagan about it and they’re like ‘Whaaaaa?’ He’s already gone! The scent of aftershave and jelly beans lingering in the air.” Stewart explained to all those Obama-loving pinko commies, “The point is, Reagan acted without delay.”
Of course, FOX News’ Chris Wallace dropped a truth bomb on the Reagan revisionists…wait, FOX?
“I was covering Ronald Reagan at that time. He was in Santa Barbara at his ranch when that happened, and quite frankly he didn’t want to leave. And his advisers realized how terrible this looked, and eventually persuaded him he had to fly back to Washington and had to give this speech to the nation, but it did take him four days,” Wallace said.
“Yes, Reagan’s response to that catastrophe was so remarkable, so special, it was enough to make us forget what actually happened,” Stewart said.
Stewart threw newspaper clippings from the time up on the screen. “Reagan initially declined to cut short his planned 25-day vacation…after being caught on camera riding a horse,” the clipping read.
Stewart then read from Reagan’s diary about the downed plane. “Friday, September 2. The Soviets shot down a Korean Airliner with 269 passengers– 53 of them Americans including Congressman Larry McDonald (D). we were due to return to Washington on Labor Day, but realized we couldn’t wait. We left on Friday. It was heartbreaking DASH I had really looked forward to those last three days.”
“Punctuation Reagan’s,” Stewart said. “Reagan was in deep mourning for losing the final twelve percent of his vacation. In face, in 1988 when the U.S. accidentally shot down an Iranian airliner–also under Reagan’s watch–Reagan refused to end that vacation early.”
Watch Stewart set the record straight, below: