Mike Huckabee doesn’t go out of his way to make sense — it’s one of the perks of being a Bible thumper. Forgetting the requirement for internal logic or consistency, a spiritual purist like Huckabee need focus only on one simple premise: That basic change depending on circumstance is irrelevant, especially when your base only circumstantially changes its Depends.
In this Daily Show segment, Stewart starts off talking about the administration’s decision to classify certain aspects of Bush’s Iraq War, but he has to change tack when the administration ruins his fun by changing its mind an hour before the segment airs. In a desperate bid to fill air time, Stewart turns to that perennial generator of soundbites, “Shocked Southern Version of Buddy the Elf in New York,” Mike Huckabee.
Huckabee has been leaning quite a lost on his Southernness lately, starting with the “trashy women” comment he made last month. As is longstanding tradition in the South, there’s no better way to prove the superiority of one’s breeding than to take genteel offense to the crassness of the “lowah” classes. When encountering such low virtues as cursing and the gayness, the standard approach for any true Southerner is to feign that uniquely plantation mix of confusion, condemnation and sighing Christian acceptance of the shortcomings of one’s societal lowers. And Huckabee’s not going to change…especially when it comes to the gays, and the holy institution of marriage:
“I can’t just ‘change’ with the ‘times’ if it means deviating from ‘biblical law.”
Stewart’s take on Biblical law:
“It’s why Huckabee never mixes fabric in his clothes or trims his beard or sleeps with another man’s slave. It would be wrong.”
Of course, there are those who will say that mixing fabric, trimming the beard and sleeping with another man’s slave are lesser offenses, not punishable by death the way gayness is. And they’re right — perhaps it is a matter of priority, in terms of not committing sins for which the sentence is death. In which case we’d probably have to point out that Huckabee made that statement on CNN’s State of the Union on Sunday — which means he was working on the Sabbath, a crime universally punishable by death.
And that one’s in the Ten Commandments.
Huckabee continues that asking him to accept gay marriage would be like “asking somebody who’s Jewish to start serving bacon-wrapped shrimp in their deli.” On the Sabbath, no less.
Stewart responds that that “makes no f*cking sense,” and that
“No one is forcing you to get metaphorically married to the biblical abomination that is this bacon-wrapped shrimp.”
The interview that follows features a very special guest, who certainly seems nice enough. But it must be said…there’s something not quite kosher about her.
Regardless, there’s no sense talking sense to Mike Huckabee when it comes to Biblical law — especially laws worthy of death, like recording an interview on the Sabbath. But when it comes to cherrypicking Leviticus, you can only be full of so much sh*t. And what is an old Southern boy to do under those circumstances? The same thing every other proper old Southerner does when they’re bursting with sh*t: it Depends.
H/T: Huffington Post