The Republican reaction to the ACA website’s screwups kind of reminds me of a conversation I once had with an ex. I ran into her in the Paddock Mall; she approached while I was looking into a display of platinum necklaces.
“Hey,” she said. “I saw your new girlfriend on Facebook today.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “And?”
That sinister smirk crept into the corner of her mouth. “Is it just me, or does she have kind of a lazy eye?”
I furrowed my brow and nodded slowly. “Hmm. Yeah, she might. She might have. I never really noticed. But, then again, she isn’t screwing half the Forest for pills and meth. So, you know…could be worse.” I turned to the cashier. “Excuse me…do you guys have sapphire pendants for these?”
In this clip from The Daily Show, John Stewart tears into both the Obamacare website’s technical glitches, and the Republicans who seem to take them as a sign of the healthcare law’s utter and absolute failure.
Stewart’s first observation was perhaps the most pithy of the segment. After a compilation of reporters complaining about the wait-times for signup (one of whom bitterly mentions the TEN MINUTES she spent on hold), Steward had this to say.
“Let’s get one thing straight about this country: We WILL camp out all night to be the first people to buy a phone or see a movie about shirtless werewolves. But you got ten minutes to get me this f***ing healthcare.”
Makes sense, John. It’s not as though we’re the kind of nation that advertises home mortgages using green puppets espousing the wonders of entering into a 30-year mortgage while IN YOUR UNDERWEAR! When we commit, we don’t want to “think“…we just want it NOW! We’ve got werewolves to get back to, dammit!
Speaking of wanting things NOW!, Stewart went on to explain how Republicans are now threatening to refuse to raise the debt ceiling if we don’t repeal Obamacare. But, hey…they don’t think a “technical default would be any big deal. As Stewart put it, that’s like “technically” having herpes. But Republicans are saying that would never happen anyway.
“We are not going to default on the debt. If that happens, there’s enough money in the budget to pay for it.”
Rand Paul: “We bring in $250 billion in taxes every month, our interest payment is $20 Billion. Tell me why we would ever default.”
Tom Coburn: “There is no such thing as a debt ceiling in this country, because it’s never been not increased.
Joe Barton: “In my household budget, there are some bills that have to be paid, and some bills that we can defer or only pay partially. But that doesn’t mean we have to pay every bill the day it comes in.”
“What a great strategy! That was my strategy…in college. When I smoked a lot of pot and worked at a Cinnabon.”
Amazingly, the Republicans are downplaying the result of a “technical” default, accusing the Democrats of (hold your breath)…FEAR-MONGERING.
Rand Paul: “What’s going on is interestingly, the Democrats are scaring people.”
Ted Cruz: “They want to threaten a default to scare people.”
Steve King: “I think that all this talk about a default has been a lot of demagoguery.”
Stewart then went on to show several clips of Republicans NOT fear-mongering. And by that, we mean “trying to convince us that Obamacare was a plot concocted by Hitler to kill infant bunnies.” So, just operating on the premise that if Ted Cruz or Rand Paul say it, it has to be a lie, we can probably go out on a limb and draw this conclusion:
- Maybe not raising the debt ceiling can and WILL lead to a default, and defaulting on the debt is a HUGE deal. Maybe they know that Congress and Obama damn well know it, but they don’t want YOU to know it. Why? Because that way they can continue to coerce our government with hostage tactics, privately threatening to nuke our economy, without LOOKING like they’re doing exactly that.
Later on in the video, Stewart pulled out Jason Jones and Samantha Bee to debate Incompetence vs. Nihilism in the healthcare system. Bee was on Team Incompetence, speaking out for the ACA websites continuing glitches and screw-ups. Jason Jones was on Team Nihilism. Bee’s shtick was acting as dizty and buggy as the site has been, while Jason’s was a bit more politically straightforward.
When John asked Jones what Team Nihilism’s answer would be to the Healthcare debate, he said this.
“Easy. F**k it. Just, f**k it…John, this country is out of control. Unions, work safety, handouts — we’ve got to BURN IT TO THE GROUND. We need to return this country to a time when we had the kind of unfettered, free-market conditions that…made all that other liberal sh*t necessary.”
And if that’s not the best summary of Teabaggerism in the world, then I don’t expect to hear it. Granted, America’s newest liberal beau might be a little buggy…she might even have a bit of a lazy eye at the moment. But, hey…they have outpatient surgery for that. But even if that unique little flaw never gets fixed, this crooked-eyed girl is a damned beauty queen next to the (admittedly) straight-eyed meth whore that has been America’s “free market” healthcare system.