The recent wave of unarmed black men by police has exposed a little something of a double standard for white conservatives. Perhaps you’ve noticed. It’s kind of a strange switch or people who have all but trademarked the cry “POLICE STATE!” to suddenly be the biggest supporters of police action. But that they are; and to these people, it never matters what police do. The system is perfect…as long as it’s only killing scary black people.
On this opening segment of The Daily Show, Jon hears from conservatives all the reasons that the people who randomly choked a man to death absolutely aren’t to blame for killing him. Some blame Garner’s asthma and heart condition…somehow despite the fact that the medical examiner says he choked to death. Another says it was because he was a criminal at one point…because all former criminals deserve to die in the street.
Sean Hannity, who we recently found out is a ninja, says that according to the standards of his martial arts training, the move that choked Garner to death wasn’t even a chokehold. Then again, by Hannity’s standards, we now know nothing is a true martial arts move until somebody throws a smoke bomb to the floor and says “VANISH!”
But the greatest logical vanishing act (and most cravenly agenda-driven reason given) came from pseudointellectual Senator Rand Paul. In a statement reminiscent of the “woman” who was totally NOT his namesake, Ayn Rand Paul placed the blame squarely where it belonged: those mooching collectivist politicians and their damned taxation.
“I think it is important to know that some politician put a tax of $5.85 on a pack of cigarettes so that driven cigarettes underground by making them so expensive. But then some politician also had to direct the police say, ‘hey we want you arresting people for selling a loose cigarette.’ For someone to die over breaking that law, there is really no excuse for it. But I do blame the politicians. We put our police in a difficult situation with bad laws.”
To which Jon replied:
“What the f*ck are you talking about?”
“Well, I guess now we know what it takes for a senator from Kentucky to admit cigarettes kill.”