Need a good laugh? Here’s a hilarious roundup of some of dumbest – and weirdest – things your favorite Tea Party Republicans have ever said. These 30 ridiculous TEApublican quotes brought to you by your favorite TEApublican failures… and by AATTP.
30.) Todd Akin
Todd Akin is a former U.S. Representative for Missouri’s 2nd congressional district, serving from 2001 to 2013. He is a member of the Republican Party.
- “From what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume maybe that didn’t work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist.” — while talking about victims of rape getting pregnant from their assault.
29.) John Boehner
John Boehner is the 61st and current Speaker of the United States House of Representatives. A member of the Republican Party, he is the U.S. Representative from Ohio’s 8th congressional district, serving since 1991.
- “We should not be judged on how many new laws we create. We ought to be judged on how many laws we repeal. ”
28.) Pat Robertson
Pat Robertson is an American media mogul, executive chairman, and a former Southern Baptist minister, who generally supports conservative “Christian” ideals.
- “The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
27.) Paul Ryan
Paul Ryan: an American politician and member of the Republican Party who has served as the United States Representative for Wisconsin’s 1st congressional district since 1999 and as Chairman of the House Budget Committee since 2011. He was the Republican Party nominee for Vice President of the United States in the 2012 election
- “I’m very proud of my pro-life record, and I’ve always adopted the idea that, the position that the method of conception doesn’t change the definition of life.” – referring to rape as a “method of conception” when asked if it should it be legal for a woman to be able to get an abortion if she’s raped, interview with WJHL, Roanoake, Va., Aug. 23, 2012
26.) Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin is an American politician, commentator and author who served as the ninth Governor of Alaska, from 2006 to 2009. As the Republican Party nominee for Vice President in the 2008 presidential election alongside Arizona Senator John McCain, she was the first Alaskan on the national ticket of a major party and first Republican woman nominated for the vice presidency.
- ‘I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.” — as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor’s office without approval of the city council
25.) Ted Haggard
Ted Haggard is an American evangelical “Christian” pastor.
- “I called to buy some meth, but I threw it away.” — when details began to emerge about his visits to a male prostitute, in 2006.
24.) Newt Gingrich
Newt Gingrich: an American politician, historian, author and political consultant. He represented Georgia’s 6th congressional district as a Republican from 1979 until his resignation in 1999, and served as the 58th Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives from 1995 to 1999. Gingrich was a candidate for the 2012 Republican Party presidential nomination.
- “I read Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and I found frightening pieces that related to…my own life.”- talking about his problems with women.
23.) Roger Rivard
Roger Rivard is a former member of the Wisconsin State Assembly, representing the northwest Wisconsin’s 75th Assembly District from January 3, 2011 to January 3, 2013. A lifelong resident of Rice Lake, Rivard was the first Republican to hold the office in 32 years.
- “Some girls rape easy.” – October 2012
22.) Herman Cain
Herman Cain: an American author, business executive, radio host, syndicated columnist, and Tea Party activist from Georgia. He was a candidate for the 2012 U.S. Republican Party presidential nomination
- “A poet once said, ‘Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it’s never easy when there’s so much on the line.’” ~ Herman Cain, using the theme song of the Pokemon movie in the closing statement of the first GOP debate in 2012
21.) Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck: a politically conservative American television and radio host, political commentator, author, television network producer, media personality, and entrepreneur. He hosts the Glenn Beck Radio Program.
- ”The only [Katrina victims] we’re seeing on television are the scumbags.’
20.) Jan Brewer
Jan Brewer is the 22nd Governor of the U.S. state of Arizona, in office since 2009. A member of the Republican Party.
- “Life begins “from the first day of the last menstrual period of the pregnant woman.” —Statement from an Arizona bill signed into law
19.) Ann Coulter
Ann Coulter: an American conservative social and political commentator, writer, syndicated columnist, and lawyer. She frequently appears on television, radio, and as a speaker at public and private events.
- “There is a growing body of evidence that radiation in excess of what the government says are the minimum amounts we should be exposed to are actually good for you and reduce cases of cancer.” -on fears over the fallout from Japan’s nuclear crisis, Bill O’Reilly interview, March 18, 2011.
18.) Todd Kincannon
Todd Kincannon is the Chairman of the Simpsonville, South Carolina Election Commission of Simpsonville, South Carolina.
- “Wendy Davis has done even more to damage modern feminism than Monica Lewinsky playing Human Humidor with Bill Clinton in the Oval Office. The best thing about the Wendy Davis fiasco is this: It proves that you can still call a whore a whore. Feminazis ain’t won yet, my friends. Wendy Davis stimulates the kneepad economy. And a lot of penises. Wendy Davis has solved America’s student loan crisis! Just find a dumbass to pay off your loans in exchange for sex. #Hookernomics” – Tea Party activist, Kincannon, who resigned from his leadership role at the GOP organization in 2010
17.) Rick Santorum
Rick Santorum: is an American attorney and Republican Party politician. He served as a United States Senator representing Pennsylvania from 1995 to 2007, and was the Senate’s third-ranking Republican from 2001 until 2007. He ran as a candidate for the 2012 Republican Party presidential nomination, finishing second to the eventual Republican nominee Mitt Romney.
- “Drill everywhere… There is no such thing as global warming.”
16.) Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh: is a conservative American radio talk show host and political commentator.
- “She wants to be paid to have sex. She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex. So, I’m offering a compromise today: I will buy all of the women at Georgetown University as much aspirin to put between their knees as they want. … So Miss Fluke and the rest of you feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something. We want you to post the videos online so we can all watch.” – Limbaugh on Sandra Fluke wanting her insurance that SHE pays for to cover the cost of her birth control.
15.) Louis Gohmert
Louis Gohmert: an American politician and current Republican U.S. Representative from Texas’s First Congressional District.
- “So when [caribou] want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline. … So my real concern now [is] if oil stops running through the pipeline … do we need a study to see how adversely the caribou would be affected if that warm oil ever quit flowing?” – when asked how a pipeline could effect local wildlife.
14.) Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger: an Austrian-born American actor, film producer, businessman, investor, writer, philanthropist, former professional bodybuilder and politician. Schwarzenegger served two terms as the 38th Governor of California from 2003 until 2011.
- “I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman”
13.) Bill O’Reilly
Bill O’Reilly: an American television host, author, syndicated columnist and political commentator. He is the host of the political commentary program The O’Reilly Factor on the Fox News Channel.
- “So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda’ kissing your neck from behind…and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I’d just put it on your p***y but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business…” – as quoted in a sexual harassment suit filed against him by a Fox News producer, 2004
12.) Dan Quayle
Dan Quayle: served as the 44th Vice President of the United States, serving with President George H. W. Bush (1989–1993). He served as a U.S. Representative and U.S. Senator from the state of Indiana.
- “I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
11.) Randall Terry
Randall Terry: an American pro-life activist. Terry founded the pro-life organization Operation Rescue. The group became particularly prominent beginning in 1987 for blockading the entrances to abortion clinics; Terry led the group until 1991. He has been arrested more than 40 times.
- “I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over you. I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good … if a Christian voted for Clinton, he sinned against God. It’s that simple. Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a biblical duty, we are called by God to conquer this country”
10.) Mark Driscoll
Mark Driscoll is an evangelical Christian pastor and author, and current preaching pastor of Mars Hill Church, a megachurch in Seattle, Washington.
- “Video games are not sinful, they’re just stupid. And they’re stupid in this way: Young, particularly men, and now women are joining it, they want to get on a team, be part of a kingdom, conquer a foe, and win a great, epic battle. So they do it with their thumbs and it doesn’t even count. Nobody’s really liberated. The Taliban is not really conquered. Women are not really freed from oppression. Generations are not really changed. It’s all fake. It doesn’t count.”
9.) Joseph Scheidler
Joseph Scheidler: is a noted American pro-life activist, National Director of the Pro-Life Action League, former Benedictine monk.
- “I would like to outlaw contraception…contraception is disgusting – people using each other for pleasure.”
8.) Carl Paladino
Carl Paladino: businessman and Teaparty activist from Buffalo, New York. Paladino ran for Governor of New York in the 2010 election. He pulled off an upset by winning the Republican primary over Rick Lazio, but lost in a landslide to Democrat Andrew Cuomo in the general election.
- ”I’m in the construction industry.” — Paladino, New York State Tea Party-backed candidate for Governor, on why he sent emails of a woman having sex with a horse, President Obama and Michelle Obama dressed as a pimp and ho, and various other pornographic and racist chain letters.
7.) James Leon Holmes
James Leon Holmes: a federal judge on the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Arkansas. Holmes was nominated by President George W. Bush on January 29, 2003, to a seat vacated by Stephen M. Reasoner. Holmes was at one time a leader in the anti-abortion movement in Arkansas.
- “Concern for rape victims is a red herring because conceptions from rape occur with approximately the same frequency as snowfall in Miami.”
6.) Chris Christie
Chris Christie: the 55th Governor of New Jersey and a leading member of the Republican Party.
- “You know, something may be going down tonight, but it ain’t going to be jobs, sweetheart.” New Jersey Governor Chris Christie to female speakers at a rally for Mitt Romney when they asked him if his mindset would cause job ratings to go down.
5.) Mitt Romney
Mitt Romney: an American businessman who was the Republican Party’s nominee for President of the United States in the 2012 election. Before his presidential bid, he served as the 70th Governor of Massachusetts from 2003 to 2007.
- “PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air.” –on strapping his dog to the top of the car
4.) Rick Perry
Rick Perry is an American politician who is the 47th and current governor of Texas. A Republican, he was elected lieutenant governor of Texas in 1998 and assumed the governorship in December 2000 when then-governor George W. Bush resigned to become president of the United States.
- “I will tell you: It’s three agencies of government, when I get there, that are gone: Commerce, Education and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see. … OK. So Commerce, Education and the — … The third agency of government I would — I would do away with the Education, the … Commerce and — let’s see — I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.” – experiencing an onstage meltdown during a GOP debate, forgetting about his plan to cut the Department of Energy, Nov. 9, 2011
3.) Christine O’Donnell
Christine O’Donnell: former Republican Party candidate, and conservative activist in the Tea Party movement best known for her 2010 campaign for the United States Senate seat from Delaware vacated by Vice President Joe Biden.
- ”It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone. The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. You can’t masturbate without lust!” — advocating against masturbation in a 1996 appearance on MTV’s ‘Sex In The 90s’ TV show
2.) Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney: an American politician and businessman who was the 46th Vice President of the United States from 2001 to 2009, under President George W. Bush.
- “Go f*ck yourself.” –to Sen. Patrick Leahy, during an angry exchange on the Senate floor about profiteering by Halliburton, June 25, 2004
- Bonus quote: “That sort of the best thing I ever did.” –reflecting on telling Leahy to “go f**k yourself,” interview with Dennis Miller, April 22, 2010
1.) Rand Paul
Rand Paul is the junior United States Senator for Kentucky. He is a member of the Republican Party and the son of former U.S. Representative and presidential candidate Ron Paul of Texas.
- ”I don’t want to be associated with those people, but I also don’t want to limit their speech in any way in the sense that we tolerate boorish and uncivilized behavior because that’s one of the things freedom requires is that we allow people to be boorish and uncivilized, but that doesn’t mean we approve of it.” — taking issue with the Civil Rights Act of 1964 while arguing that government should not prevent private businesses from discriminating on the basis of race, interview with MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, May 21, 2010
More TEApublican humor from AATTP.
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- Watch The Daily Show Prove Russia is a TEApublican Utopia