Listen, Barry…we need to talk about your job performance. As you might recall, when you were summoned by the Order of Illuminati Communist Nazis, it was with the understanding that you (as a Kenyan Muslim) would disarm and impoverish the holiest and whitest parts of America, before marching them past the Death Panels, and into the gas chambers. After installing yourself as Dictator for Life, you were to crucify the Christians, reveal yourself as the Antichrist, and hand the world over to your Satanic Jewish overlords. It was all so simple. But, after six years…none of that has happened. In fact, the country is in much better shape than it was when we installed you as president. Let’s go over your list of failures to The Order.
1) More Job Growth and Investment than Ronald Reagan
Back in 1980, the Christians of the world united behind a powerful leader with an amazing vision for the future: Simply sell the United States to the highest bidders, and let everyone live like fat hogs for the next 15 to 20 years. And Reaganomics worked…sort of. Long after he left office, Reagan’s Sale of America left a legacy of excess capital laying around. At least, till it ran out. But during his term, Reagan did America more good than any other president.
Well, any other president until fairly recently. The first graph below compares Reagan (The Great Job Creator’s) unemployment record for the first 67 months with Obama’s. The second compares the S&P stock growth for the first 69 months; bearing in mind that both presidents entered office in the midst of a massive recession:
Looks like The Socialist Anticapitalist needs to brush up on his literature and job description. Because, from what we’re seeing here, he has been at least as good as Reagan for the economy. In fact, we’ve now had 63 straight months of job expansion, including 54 consecutive weeks of private sector growth.
In fact, Obama’s administration has created more jobs in five years than Bush managed in all eight.
Worst. Socialist. EVER.
2) The Federal Budget Deficit has Shrunk by 2/3s since 2009
Obama came into office with a $1.4 trillion deficit, due largely to the high unemployment figures Bush left him with. Since people have gone back to work, more income taxes have been coming in — that’s raised the revenue for the givernment, shrinking the deficit spending.
Without cutting a thing, we might add.
This year’s deficit is predicted to be $500 billion — the lowest it’s been since Bush cut everything in 2007.
3) Our Dependence on Foreign Oil is at a Record Low Due to Domestic Oil Production and Higher Fuel Efficiency Standards
Is Barry the arch-nemesis of domestic oil production? Looks like a fan of drilling holes to us. True, the drive to decrease oil imports began under Bush; which must have hurt, given his family’s close friendship with Saudi Arabian royalty, and Bin Laden’s family specifically. Guess Barry’s one to harbor a grudge, though, because he certainly doesn’t seem to have done much to stop the downward crash of oil importation. Or the rapid increase in production.
4) Spending Increases and Taxes Are Lower Than Anytime in the Last 50 Years
Of course, Tea Partiers are going to take credit for this, citing it as the fruits of thier obstructionism. That isn’t exactly the case, but let’s look at the relevant facts:
- Spending has only gone up 1.4 percent under Obama, the lowest spending has increased since Eisenhower — aka “The Last Actual Republican.” Spending increased 8.1 percent under Bush, and 8.7 percent under Reagan.
- Taxes are lower than they’ve been in the last 50 years for 95 percent of Americans. Taxes have only increased on those making $400,000 a year or more, the richest 2 percent of the country.
- For the other 95 percent, taxes have actually gone down.
Yes, Tea Partiers are certain to claim victory here, but that’s a far cry from reality. Obama himself signed in tax cuts for 95 percent in his stimulus package following the Bush Recession. But that hasn’t kept the Taxed Enough already crowd from thinking their taxes had gone up.
As to the spending, that’s mostly a result of getting out of Bush’s War in Afghanistan. The military is an expensive machine to run; but its’ every Republican’s favorite.
5) War is Down…and Foreign Terrorist Attacks on American Soil Are at Zero
The Commander-in-Chief, as of right now, has fewer troops deployed in war zones than at any point since the Afghan Invasion began in earnest in 2004. And yet, somehow, there hasn’t been a single foreign terrorist on American soil since Obama was elected. That’s about as far from what Dick Cheney predicted as imaginable, should we be unwise enough to put a soft, limp-wristed Democrat in office.
6) The ACA has Added Years to the Life of Medicare, Insured 7 Million People so Far, and Precipitated the Lowest Rise in Healthcare Costs Since 1960
Right now, somewhere between 7 and 10 million Americans who didn’t have health insurance before have it now. Rates haven’t gone up across the board as predicted either, primarily because healthcare costs are now rising slower than they have at any point since 1960.
Indeed — seems strange things happen when doctors and hospitals get paid for their services, instead of passing the cost of non-payers along to others. And since more people now have insurance, they’ve got more paying customers than ever before.
That’s had a decided impact on not just the cost of insurance, but the lifespan of a program that was projected to die in 2016: Medicare. Before the ACA, Medicare was on the verge of running out of money, and major cuts were on the horizon. But because the increase in healthcare costs have dropped, Medicare is now projected to live till at least 2030 with no cuts or changes whatsoever.
Which means you have to ask…
Were the Conservatives who fought this ignorant, incompetent or simply lying? Perhaps to themselves, if nothing else.
7) The Obama Administration Has Deported More Illegal Immigrants than Any Other in History…Including Bush
Some will say this is just a consequence of more illegals coming in, so the proportion of those going out rises in accordance. And that might be partly true; but there’s still no doubt that Obama’s administration has issued more one-way tickets to Central American countries than any other in history.
So, Mister Soetoro…it appears you haven’t been doing your job as the world’s most powerful Nazi Communist Anti-Capitalist Deathmonger. And when was the last time you even went to a mosque?
From this list alone, we can see that in six years you have
- done a better job of running the economy than Reagan
- done a better job of protecting America than Bush
- saved more money and spent less than anyone since Eisenhower
- lowered taxes on all but the wealthiest 5 percent
- gotten millions of people much-needed healthcare
- seen a drastic reduction in foreign oil imports
- reduced the growth in healthcare costs to 1960 levels (after they dramatically spiked under Bush)
- all but restored our economy, undoing at least in part the damage done by your predecessor
And, for all that, Barry Soetoro, we of the Unholy Order of Illuminati Nazi Communists hereby indemnify you for gross failure in job performance. We expect your resignation on our evil, black desks no later than 2016.
H/T: Big props to blogger Jeff16b at hub pages, for compiling many of these links and facts