As the 2014 elections draw near, it’s time to debate the important issues: Like whether the American people believe feminist vagina cookies are appropriate snacks for second graders.
Seriously, that’s what’s trending on Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit today: Unsubstantiated “reports” on a “feminist” mom from an unnamed school, in an undisclosed location, who supposedly baked “vagina cookies” for second graders, then went full-on crazy when the teacher refused to serve them.
Neither this writer nor the folks at Snopes can verify the story as true or false, due to lack of information, but here at AATTP, we strongly suspect the Reddit member who posted his “friend’s” story got trolled.
Funny, how anti-feminist stories like this surface every time women’s issues make headlines. Thanks to the GOP’s ongoing war on women, birth control, and abortion; the NFL’s Ray Rice wife beating scandal; and 4-Chan users’ attempts to shame and shut up actress Emma Watson for her women’s rights speech at the United Nations; those anti-feminist, troglodyte trolls are crawling out from their dark, dank caves in droves lately.
The “feminist vagina cookies” story started on Reddit.
As with many timely, fascinating, and prurient memes that go viral, the “feminist vagina cookies” story started on Reddit, when a member who goes by the handle of jpstudly posted the following “report” from a “friend” on the TIFU (Today I F*cked Up) thread.
This alleged second grade public school likes to reward her class for good behavior with classroom treats, and a volunteer parent not-named “Autumn Lily Speaker” said she’d make cookies.
I am currently a second grade teacher at a public school. I have a wonderful class and I like to reward them when they have a good week by having volunteer parents bring in snacks (I.E. cookies, candy, granola etc.) provided the parent keeps them hypoallergenic. This week our volunteer parent, who we will refer to as Autumn Lily Speaker (not far from her actual name) told me on Wednesday that she will be preparing cookies for the class and is ‘excited for this opportunity’. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and marked it off my weekly to-do list.
But on Friday, the feminist mom showed up with a plate full of lurid, inappropriate cookies designed to look like vaginas!
So Friday rolls around and the kids are excited. Autumn Lily Speaker comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats and brings them to me and says with a smile “I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman’s vagina today”. Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS. There were small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald, and even a fire crotch with beef curtains. perplexed I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply “I’m sorry Autumn, but I can’t give these to my students. This just isn’t appropriate.”
Of course the teacher refused to serve the dubious treats, but Hell hath no fury like a feminist mom whose vagina cookies have been scorned.
Autumn bursts with the fury of a thousand angry Andrea Dworkin’s and starts yelling in front of the class about how ‘I should be proud of my vagina’ and ‘I am settling for a women’s role in life’. Utterly bemused and frozen from shock all I can do is stand and stare at the woman as the word ‘vagina’ is yelled in front of my second grade class about 987,000 times. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she storms out of the class leaving her vagina cookies on my desk. I scramble to collect my thoughts and take control of the situation before my second graders develop vaginal PTSD. My only thought is to scrape off the vagina frosting and hand out the plain sugar cookies to my students.
The rest of the day went without incident, until the kids got home and the phone started ringing…
The rest of my day went quite well and ended without a incident. I sent my kiddos home and started wrapping up work and getting ready to leave when the phone rings and a bewildered parent wants to know why their son learned the word ‘vagina’ in class today I answer the best I can explaining the situation in the most professional manner possible. I get about 3 more phone calls and 4 emails until I get it, the mother of all emails… Autumn’s.
Autumn’s email (screenshots) http://imgur.com/a/Kb7Zx
Meanwhile, jpstudly — who is a Reddit Gold member with excellent ratings from his peers, and whose posts and comments do not reveal any political or anti-feminist leanings (despite his unfortunate user name) — added a couple updates to his post for clarification:
Edit2: This is not meant to be an attack on feministic idealism, it just has to do with a single radical feminist who lost her cool. Feminism is about gender equality and shouldn’t be grouped with off the wall people like this.
Edit3: No longer referring to Autumn as a feminist because she isn’t. She’s just bat shit crazy
When jpstudly followed up with the teacher who came up with the feminist vagina cookies story, she told him:
Reddit hilariously responds to the ‘feminist vagina cookies’ post.
Here are a few hilarious and telling comments on the “feminist vagina cookies” post from the Reddit community.