Nicholas Cage’s financial troubles are well known, but his decision to star in the film adaptation of the ridiculous post-apocalyptic literary abortion that is Left Behind is proof that the running joke that Cage will do quite literally anything for money these days…is true.
Duck Dynasty fauxbilly Willie Robertson released a short promotional video for the film, a remake of the abysmal 2002 snorefest starring D.J. Tanner’s homophobic idiot brother, a tireless soldier fighting against the fabricated “War on Christmas.”
“Like most Christians, my family and I can truly say that we’re excited about the soon return of Jesus, and I’m sure, if you’ve been watching the news lately, you know that that return could be any day from now,” Robertson said.
He said the film was an “an action-packed thriller that will take viewers on a wild ride to the day of the Rapture,” that would force atheists and other heathens to begin worshiping his imaginary bearded genie friend in the sky.
“It’s a warning to those, if it happened today, would be left behind, and I believe people are going to make that life-changing decision to follow Christ on the way home from the theater on Oct. 3,” Robertson explained. “Let’s all make sure we bring some friends and family to see this movie – people who need to see to believe.”
That’s right, Christians — your atheist and non-Christian friends will forever thank you for forcing them to sit through what is, perhaps, Cage’s worst movie since the Sorcerer’s Apprentice.
Robertson told viewers they can visit the film’s web site, here they can find ministry tools, buy group tickets to what is most assuredly going to be an embarrassment to the film industry, or pick up some “cool clothes.”
Get to it, Christians! Help those wretched atheists see the light! Perhaps Robertson’s father can use this in his hairbrained idea to convert ISIS to Christianity, or kill them. Hell, forcing them to watch this movie may accomplish the latter — though it could be considered inhumane.
Watch Willie’s moronic suggestion, below: