Comedian Dusty Smith shared some interesting news with the world! Apparently, if you have been enjoying the lifestyles of the Ducking idiots on A&E, you have been fooled! What you thought were semi-rugged, backwoods hillbilly types whose brains have been so irrevocably damaged by paint huffing that they have chosen to make devices designed to get ducks horny for a living…are really just a bunch of khaki and bullsh*t yuppies.
The Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil has recently been taken off of the show indefinitely following some “Hate For Jesus” remarks he made, in which he suggested that the whole of the LGBT community is an abomination to God. Predictably, every single right wing media outlet, politicians, and pretty well every single person in America who finds themselves unable to count to three without starting over at least twice has jumped on the Phil Robertson bandwagon.
What these imbeciles fail to realize is that the Duck Dynasty crew is not the “apple pie, America, and JESUS” inbreds that they assumed their heroes to be. In fact, photographic evidence has surfaced that shows the makers of avian sex toys in their true form.
Take Jep, for instance. This is what he looks like now:
It may surprise you to know that before Duck Dynasty, Jep looked a teensy bit different. How different? This is Jep before Duck Dynasty:
Jase Robertson is no different! This is what he looks like now:
Seemingly for no better reason than to portray someone who almost surely has had an inappropriate relationship with at least one close family member, Jase’s appearance has been drastically altered from before adopting his new persona and look. This, believe it or not, is Jase.
But what about Willie? Surely he would not sell out his appearance for the boatload of money that catering to the Blaze crowd promises! Willie is legit! Just look at him!
Unfortunately, it’s true. Even Willie gave in to the lure of fame. Previously, he drew upon the power of the Gap to energize his brightly-frosted hair.
And of course the family photo:
Do they really run a duck call business? Yes! but that seems to be as far as the truth stretches. Are they really the ultra-wholesome, selectively devout faux-Christian family they claim to be? Probably.
One thing is for sure, though. The look that they rely on to “sell” the show is completely, unequivocally false.
Feel free to take a look at the CultofDusty’s take on these yuppies-turned-hillbillies: