If there’s one thing you have to love about America, it’s the opportunity for cultural fusion. Where else in the world could you imagine a couple of drunk rednecks getting into a (one-sided) samurai sword fight, and then using a shotgun to commit seppuku? And we wonder what’s wrong with Quentin Tarantino.
Jeff Turley and his brother were getting drunk in Charleston, West Virginia on Wednesday when an argument erupted; that much, at least, was much like any other Wednesday at the Turley’s. The subject of the argument is unknown, but somebody’s cousin was almost certainly involved.
At some point during the argument, Turley decided to do the logical thing and end it with a samurai sword. During his attempted remake of “Kill Bill(y Bob),” Turney slashed his brother several times along the chest and neck; the deepest and most severe wound was, inexplicably, along his brother’s forearm.
The family called the hospital…and that was when Turley really went off. So to speak. Watching his brother bleed out to an almost certain death, Turley cast aside the sword, grabbed a loaded shotgun and began firing it inside the home; a number of family members were nearby, including several children and his own newborn daughter. He did not reportedly aim it at anyone, but discharged the gun several times inside the house.
After the EMS workers arrived, the still very drunk Turley spat in the face of a paramedic, which he claims not to remember. He does remember running outside with the shotgun afterward, though, henceforth committing what must be one of the most unique acts of Japanese-American fusion ever envisioned.
Wracked with guilt, and having brought shame upon himself and his family by murdering his brother, Turley ran out of the house, pushed the shotgun to his abdomen and pulled the trigger. Whether he made the connection to the Japanese practice of self-evisceration (seppuku, or harakiri) in the face of defeat or dishonor is unknown, but the intended effect was clear:
“I shot myself right here in the stomach with a 20-gauge. I was going to take my life because I didn’t think my brother was going to make it to the hospital. I figured he’d bleed to death by the time we got him there. So I tried to kill myself because I figured if he couldn’t live, there was no sense in me living either.“
Fortunately for Turley, he is little more accomplished in suicide than he is fratricide. Perhaps partly due to the fact that he used relatively small 20-gauge (small-game) shot in his suicide attempt, Turley survived. Better still, his brother survived his fairly extensive wounds. Both are expected to recover.
Unfortunately for Turley, he’s facing a laundry list of serious charges, including attempted murder, child neglect, assault during a felony, wanton endangerment, brandishing a deadly weapon, domestic assault, domestic battery and battery on an EMS worker. Turley’s prior criminal history is as of now unknown, but his future as the only Shotgun Seppuku Redneck Samurai in West Virginia’s correctional system is all but assured.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is textbook American fusion.
Watch this video from WCHS-TV Uploaded to YouTube: