Conservatives have finally done it! Not satisfied with not being satisfied with President Obama’s birth certificate, the very intelligent people over at Fellowship of the Minds have put their combined IQ of 27 to the test with a challenge that has largely been avoided even in the Glen Beckiest, most FOX Newsified, Red Statiest parts of the shameful cavalcade of crazy that is Conservative media: “But wert abert Sasha and Malia Obummer’s Berth Certikits?”
Conservatives have finally done it! Not satisfied with not being satisfied with President Obama’s birth certificate, the very intelligent people over at Fellowship of the Minds have put their combined IQ of 27 to the test with a challenge that has largely been avoided even in the Glen Beckiest, most FOX Newsified, Red Statiest parts of the shameful cavalcade of crazy that is Conservative media: “But wert abert Sasha and Malia Obummer’s Berth Certikits?” In fact–why haven’t the Obamas plastered the internet with photographs of their children?
One particular dunce, “Dr. Eowyn,” tackled the issue head-on. Eowyn has previously linked the star on the Macy’s logo to a Communist plot in an effort to demonize them for including what the good “doctor” refers to as “a gaggle of transvestites” and a “she-man with a demon face” in the Thanksgiving parade and very helpfully informed Conservatives that a satire page’s claim that Obama is giving “free gas to blacks” is a hoax. Oh, and a riveting piece about a deer repeatedly knocking over an Obama sign. Hard. Hitting. Stuff.
Now that “Dr Eowyn’s” credibility has been established, let’s move on to this gripping story! Apparently, Fellowship of the Mindless reader posed the question: so…why can’t I look up pictures of Obummer’s children when they were babies? Oh, and what about their birth certificates? After a grueling five minutes on Google, “Dr. Eowyn” concluded that there just weren’t any pictures of the girls out there below ages 6 and 9!
This unacceptable refusal to plaster the Obama family photo album all over the internet is abnormal. After all, Laura Bush did it:
Besides, their wedding photos are out there–but the author has not seen a single picture of a pregnant Michelle. Weird, right?
The plot thickened a bit when “Dr. Eowyn” searched Ancestry.com for Malia’s birth certificate:
Oh, but it gets weirderer! Dr. Dumbass also searched for Sasha (real name Natasha):
That’s right–the Obama family’s personal information is not available on Ancestry.com. Let that sink in.
The good “Doctor” then searched GenealogyBank.com for birth records, and found nothing there, either, save for a newspaper clipping in which each daughter is mentioned–but no birth records.
Now–We would never want to say that Wikipedia sometimes is not 100% correct, but “Dr. Eowyn” found it odd that the Wikipedia entry on Sasha and Malia Obama claimed that both “were delivered by their parents’ friend Dr. Anita Blanchard at University of Chicago Medical Center,” while the New York Times article it cites states that “Mr. Nesbitt’s wife, Dr. Anita Blanchard, delivered nearly all the children [of Obama and his closest friends in Chicago], and the adults became their godparents.” Oh, for shame!
Determined to solve this mystery, “Dr. Eowyn” asked the loyal readership to be on the lookout for pictures of the children as infants, or birth records! Readers quickly responded with photographs of the children at very young ages:
Of course, this leaves the matter of birth certificates completely unsolved! Even after photos of the children as infants surfaced, Dr. Eowyn’s readership was not satisfied! After all, President Obama (or Barry Soetoro) is a gay man whose sham marriage is just…something something…Manchurian Candidate…something something COMMUNISM! This man used to pimp himself out to old white guys for cocaine, after all! He has to be hiding something!
The people who actually read this stuff on a regular basis had much to add. Let’s take a look at some of our favorite comments and speculations from the Fellowship readership!
“Dr. Eowyn” agrees with readers that the pictures just look photoshopped!
One reader is impressed with this new, fascinating line of questioning. Are they even Obummer’s kids anyway?
Traildust thanks “Dr. Eowyn” for opening up this absolutely brilliant line of questioning that no one had previously considered because it’s the most asinine thing a person could possibly consider:
One reader has “done research” into this completely sane topic, though! Oh, and the NSA deleted a Henry Kissinger video from her hard drive. “Dr. Eowyn” responds with his own prophetic mention of Barack Obama.
“Dr. Eowyn,” we wish you the best of luck in getting to the bottom of this very important matter. We’re sure that with all that rational thought and mindpower, you and your readership will have no problem proving that Sasha and Malia Obama were bought at a slave market and installed as our secretly gay Communist plant of a President’s cover children while he stands alongside his transexual wife as the President of this once-great Country. Something about Benghazi, too.