You know all those times that Atheists have faced discrimination when attempting to volunteer with a Christian charity on Thanksgiving or Christmas–but were turned away because apparently one must possess a sufficient amount of self-righteousness to participate in helping the needy?
Typically, the right-wing response is that those awful atheists simply wanted to help others to further some unexplained evil and horrible agenda–an assertion that is without evidence and arbitrary. Well, right wingers–this is that rare time you can say that an atheist did something charitable just to be a gigantic ass, and actually be correct! Sort of.
In November, we reported that notable loveable prick and militant atheist Doug Stanhope, inspired by coverage of the Oklahoma tornado victims, had decided to do something really awesome for one survivor. Inspired by the courage of a woman who, when CNN’s Wolf Blitzer asked her if she thanked the “Lord” that she is alive, responded “I’m actually an atheist,” the comedian set up an indiegogo account, which he dubbed “Atheists Unite.” Stanhope says that he was inspired by her bravery in admitting she was an atheist.
“Saying ‘I’m an atheist’ in Oklahoma is like screaming ‘Jihad’ at airport security,” said the comedian. “That took some nuts.” Stanhope continued, explaining that “If you watch the footage, all the other victims are on the news thanking Jesus for only killing their neighbors and not them, while a crawler is on the screen telling me where I can text money to help them out.”
However, he didn’t want Jesus taking credit for his generosity! “F**k them. I don’t want Jesus getting credit for my $50. I’ll help that other girl out,” he declared in a clip from Charlie Brooker’s 2013 Wipe.
And help her out, he did! Stanhope asked the atheist community to pony up some cash to help their sister in Oklahoma, and once again non believers around the country responded with overwhelming support! Over a two month time period, Stanhope raised $125,760 — well above his arbitrarily set goal of $50,000.
To add to the fun, Stanhope offered many tiered a ala carte afterlife benefits, including the ability to “take it with you,” a “Get Out of Hell Free Card,” and a personal prayer from Doug Stanhope himself as a thank you for the generosity of the freethinking community.
Not satisfied with his satirical (and successful) effort to help a non-theist in need, Stanhope decided to have a little bit more fun with the venture! Playing off of right-wing fears that anytime an atheist does something good, he has an ulterior motive Stanhope invented an ulterior motive! He didn’t want people thinking he was nice, after all.
In the 2013 Wipe clip, Stanhope says that he didn’t do it to help her. He did it for the sake of not helping her theologically enthralled neighbors. “I didn’t do it because I felt sympathy because she got all her shit destroyed by a tornado,” he explained. “I did it simply to be a prick to her Okie-Christian neighbors, hoping that they were still eating off of FEMA trucks when someone drove up and presented Rebecca with a giant cardboard check.”
“It’s funny how hate can make you do really nice things now and then,” Stanhope concluded.
Watch the full video below: