Chuck Norris — a tough-guy actor and martial artist who’s so washed-up his most recent movie bears the uncannily appropriate title, “The Expendables 2” — finally landed a high profile gig: A get-out-the-vote ad for the National Rifle Association.
Because, dagnabbit, someone besides all those overpaid lobbyists and GOP lawmakers needs to stand up for the rights of paranoid, open-carry ammosexuals and would-be accidental (or on-purpose) murderers.
As part of the NRA’s “Trigger the Vote” campaign, Chuck Norris looks all gritty and [email protected] for the camera whilst enumerating 10 reasons why his fellow gun nuts need to get off their accidentally bullet-riddled duffs and vote:
No. 10: “You can always ignore my advice. The dinosaurs did.”
No. 9: “Because I’ll know if you don’t.”
No. 8: “You have time right now. I know, because I’m standing right behind you.”
No. 7: “It’s taken me a lifetime to earn your respect. You can earn mine by registering to vote.
No. 6: “Because I said so [pounding fists].”
No. 5: “Anyone can throw a punch. It takes a real man or woman to punch a voter registration card.”
No. 4: “Because the other guys don’t want you to. Well, I know who they are.”
No. 3: “The only thing stronger than these? [Holds up his fists] Your vote.”
No. 2: “I get asked for my autograph all the time. Now your government is asking for yours.”
No. 1: “With one hand I can crush coal into a diamond. [Makes crushing motion with one hand.] With yours you can protect your rights.”
No. 11: “Because Chuck Norris can have as many reasons as he wants.”
Chuck Norris and the NRA want gun owners to vote.
Too bad this ad is as lame and desperate as its spokesman.