Poor, poor Bristol Palin. On her blog, the teen abstinence superstar and unwed teenage mother complained about the media reaction to the hilarious, drunken, profanity-laced self-pity-party that was her account of the Cariboudashians’ alcohol fueled, knock-down, drag-out Wasillabilly slugfest.
“First, the media said Trig was not really my mom’s kid,” Palin said. “Then, they claimed my mom said ‘I can see Russia from my house.’
They didn’t. Saturday Night Live did. Palin seems unable to recognize sarcasm.
“Recently, they said my parents are giving a divorce,” she said, referring back to an uncited and unverified claim that she saw such an assertion on “Yahoo’s front page.”
“And now, they’re saying my family started a “drunken brawl,” she complained.
Yes, Bristol, numerous witnesses say your family started a drunken brawl. We hear video exists, so produce that to show otherwise.
“Most of the time, I let the lies pass. After all, the truth eventually comes out. But when people are selling ‘scoop,’ photos, and false information… sometimes the truth just isn’t as profitable.”
“That’s why, after a month and a half of hearing rumors about myself and family, I’ve finally decided to comment about the situation. Instead of listening to all the people who weren’t there — people who claim they heard this from their cousin/brother/sister-in-law/step-daughter/long lost little brother – let me tell you what actually happened.”
Palin has already told us what happened: Someone took Bargain Bin Barbie’s precious little snowflake’s $300 sunglasses, she left her five-year old in the car while she got drunk, and the party host attacked her out of the blue with no provocation as she was handing out Bibles and food to a passing crowd of orphans.
“I don’t know who Korey is. Korey pushed me on the ground and took me by my legs and dragged me across the lawn calling me a ‘c*nt’ and calling me a ‘sl*t.’ I don’t know Korey. I don’t know Korey,” she said in police recordings. “I don’t want my face in a picture right now. There’s nothing on my face except for beer and makeup.”
She said Klingenmeyer “came out of nowhere and pushes me on the ground… takes me by my feet, in my dress… my thong dress in front of everybody. Come on you c*nt, get the f*ck out of here! Come on you sl*t get the f*ck out of here.”
Apparently, as her first attempt to tell her side of the story did not go over well, she has decided to give it another go.
Our friend got knocked out from a cheap shot from behind. (His injury resulted in ten stitches, so it was really low.)
Why would anyone do this? Well, here’s a hint. The guy was on social media during this incident, tweeting, “about to get famous.”
When Willow saw all this happening she looked at the guy’s mom and said “get ahold of your son.”
But apparently the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, because his mom pushed Willow. A grown woman pushed my little sister.
By this point, I’d already gotten into the car. But when Willow ran to me crying, telling me that some lady had pushed her down, I got out of the car to go talk to her. Any big sister would do this.
[…]
But the evening that began so well took a turn for the worse when this guy decided he wanted to “get famous.”
After I got out of the car, I didn’t get far. I never even got to talk to his mom, because a guy in his late thirties or early forties got in my face. He was towering over me – probably at 6 foot something and over 200 pounds. He puffed his chest out and started yelling.
“You c-nt!” he looked right in my eyes and said. “Get the f-ck out of here, you slut!”
I was alarmed that things had gotten so bad so fast. But it got even worse when this guy started pushing me. He had his hands on me, pushing me down. That’s when I swung and hit his face.
Some would say I should’ve never retaliated in defense against him, but certainly he should never have pushed a girl. It didn’t phase him. He pushed me down to the ground and kept me there.
It was scary and awful. He held me down until someone got me out of the situation.
That’s it – that’s the story.
Nothing else happened, according to Bristol, and all witnesses are lying because everyone is out to get the Palins. In fact, she wouldn’t even begin to know how to throw a punch with her right hand because “I’m left-handed.”
The “friend’s” name was Steve, according to a drunk and nigh-incoherent Track Palin. According to Track Palin (or Palimo, as he told police), Steve is “basically a gay guy, but he’s not.”
Next, she tried a favorite of conservatives who embarrass themselves, their family, and anyone else who believes that Jesus wrote the Constitution: blatant and unabashed deflection.
In the meantime, did you even hear about Vice President Joe Biden’s adult son who kicked out of the Navy for cocaine? (That’s the real Vice President’s kid…) So pause for a moment and consider the hysteria over our stupid “incident”, compared to our actual Vice President’s son not even being able to hold on to a position in the Navy Reserve.
I’m sure you heard the happy news that Chelsea Clinton had a baby. But did you know her father-in-law and Clinton family pal Edward Mezvinsky is a convicted felon because of committing bank, wire, and mail fraud?
Yes, we did hear about those things, but Biden’s son admitted to it and was appropriately punished. As for a friend of the Clinton family doing something? We’re not talking about friends of the family. We’re talking about something in which the Palins, with Bristol a prominent player, were involved.
“Of course, you didn’t. Because the friends and family of the revered liberal elite are treated like delicate China. Don’t handle too roughly. They are precious. They are off limits. Don’t push on them too hard,” she claimed, despite the numerous news reports about both.
The difference is that they did not start a brawl that involved 20 people — one that required a visit from the police to break up. She finished strong, with a claim that the media is only focusing on this because it enjoys seeing “violence” against conservative women, saying that if she were Chelsea Clinton the media would have “held her up as some feminist hero.”
Party host Korey Klingenmeyer and numerous witnesses tell a different story.
“I said ‘I’m the guy that owns this house and there’s no fighting going on here. You need to leave.’ She goes, ‘You don’t own this f*cking place. I’ll kick your ass.’ I said ‘Hey, you need to leave right now’ and she hauls off and she hits me (smack) right here in the face.” Klingenmeyer told police. He explained that she continued to hit him “five to fix times” in the face. Eventually, he pushed her away and she fell down repeatedly because she was “drunker than sh*t.”
Afterwards, her brother got involved, with unfavorable results for the Palins.
It looks like the only way to settle this dispute is to release the video.
