We Will Never Forget 6/24. For those who have been living under a rock, 6/24/14 was the day that the Republic finally fought back against the tyrannical Obama administration, deigning as it does by fiat the laws we’d follow, as though t’were some loathsome Federalist shill to the monarchy. That was the day John Boehner TOOK AMERICA BACK for the PATRIOTS! Of course you remember June 24th. Wait…you don’t? Really? Huh. That’s funny…because apparently, neither does the GOP.
Ever since the ACA took effect, Republicans have been vowing to do something to stop the tyranny. First, Ted Cruz and Crew wasted millions of taxpayer dollars on 50-something attempts to repeal it. But, that’s failed, so Boehner set an even bigger target: Lord Obama himself.
Boehner spent a number of months (and $500 taxpayer dollars an hour on lawyer fees) putting his plan together to sue Tyranny out of the White House. Or, more accurately, he spent that time trying to figure out what to sue him for. Finally, Boehner’s bombshell hit the House floor with all the shock and awe of a mouse turd in church.
He was going to sue Obama to death for not immediately implementing the ACA employer mandate…the exact provision that the GOP didn’t want implemented. According to Boehner, Tyrant Lord Muslim SOETORO blatantly and unilaterally defied the Constitution, having “literally waived” away the rule of law as though swishing away a fly with his finest silk dandy.
The gathered crowd of hundreds exploded, erupting on a howling fest of outrage that shook the building to its foundation. Or…actually…that might have just been air hissing through the vents in a dead-silent room.
Four months later…
For some reason, Boehner’s Earth-shattering paperwork hasn’t managed to make the quarter-mile journey from Capitol Hill to the Federal Courthouse. Which is odd, since a) the suit was ready to go with House approval, and b) the courthouse is literally downhill from the Capitol. Meaning, they could have put the paperwork outside in a plastic hamster ball, and gravity alone would have done the work by now.
When asked to comment on the strange disappearance of the suit, the GOP has declined to comment. But, according to this report from Simon Lazarus and Elisabeth Stein, it wasn’t because Boehner lacked a hamster ball big enough to hold the case. It’s because his case lacked balls of any kind.
Congress’ own in-house think-tank, the (reportedly) non-partisan Congressional Research Service had been tapped to examine Boehner’s lawsuit after — after — the House approved it. On September 4th, the CRS quietly released an extensive report of its findings to Boehner. To summarize:
“This is bullsh*t.”
Or, more specifically: the report stated that failure to implement a particular part of a law, or delaying the implementation of some provision, wasn’t exactly without precedent. Many presidents before Obama have done the same. “Often [The President] has simply not been able to accomplish the required action within the time provided by Congress.” Huh…who knew Barack Obama knew something about Constitutional law? It’s not like he went to school for it.
And Boehner’s serving of crow came with a bitter cherry on top: Two weeks later, Boehner’s $500-an-hour lawyers fired him as a client. Why? Because no amount of money in the world was worth associating with this kind of stupid.
That’s right…the leader of the law-loving GOP just got outsmarted by one lawyer, fired by another, and laughed at by both.
There’s some speculation that the GOP may just be saving this stink bomb until after the mid-terms, when the sideshow of its inevitable failure will be more likely to entertain the constituents than to get lots of Republicans hilariously fired. Still, it might be good for a laugh come December or so.
Good luck finding a lawyer, though. We hear there are a couple of pretty good ones on Pennsylvania Ave.