“The temptations of the great war are many, the battles are real, and the enemy is clever. The enemy is cruel, ruthless, and relentless. We must not underestimate the danger. We must be vigilant and valiant…” Rhetoric like this must be leading up to something awful. That can only mean…
Yes, it’s that time again! Yet another deluded religious group has decided to tackle a moral issue plaguing our nation: a lot of people are *GASP* pleasuring themselves. The video, which refers to the “temptation” of self-pleasure as “The Great War,” begins with a man innocently browsing through “online por-no-graph-ia” and apparently enjoying himself with the door wide open (because people do that).
As the video explains, all of this “confused” man’s roommates know about his habit (probably because he leaves the door wide open) but do nothing to “help” him. His addiction has led him to cease going to church, and there is “darkness” in his eyes.
Somehow, his immersion into the seedy world of self-pleasure transports him to a battlefield, where he lies (spiritually) wounded, alone, and desperate for somebody to help him. Most pass by him, most ignore his plight — but one brave soldier dashes over to rescue him. “How does he rescue him,” you ask?
Why, he spreads the fact that he touches himself all over God’s creation and turns him into the church, that’s how! Only by performing this heroic action can you be sure to shame your friends into not self-pleasuring anymore.
“Don’t be silent. Don’t leave the wounded on the battlefield.” If you see someone touching their naughty bits, get involved!
Watch this ridiculous thing, which the original host removed from the internet after Dusty Smith ripped it to shreds in this video.