Phil Robertson, patriarch of the Duck Dynasty crew, loves quoting his Bible–like when he “paraphrased Corinthians” in a GQ interview. As it says in the Bible, “It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”
Robertson has long relied on the Bible to excuse many of his more detestable statements, including that Muslims and Chinese people want to take over the world, and men should marry a young teenager before she becomes an old maid…at 20. In fact, Robertson recently used the Book of Excuses in an easter rant in which he pretended that he was a victim of media persecution for his beliefs–and not because he suggested that sex with underage girls is fine, gay people are evil, and African Americans were happier when they were unburdened by so many pesky rights.
It is only logical that the next progression in this ducking insanity is that Phil and crew would release their very own Bible! In October, the world will be graced with “The Duck Commander Faith and Family Bible”–a King James translation of the Good Book that will, of course, include features about the family of fauxbillies.
Along with your daily dose of Duck-Jesus, you will find a number of extras, like “30 life-changing testimonials along with 125 ‘Set Your Sights’ features” from Robertson and son Alan–and if that’s not enough, the father and son duo will outline 52 whole reading plans!
Get ready to get your duck on–with Jesus, America!
h/t: Raw Story