A pastor named Gaylard was just arrested for grabbing a man’s junk in the park. An anti-gay pastor named Gaylard, in a place called Seymore, was just arrested for fondling a random dude in the park, and asking to give him oral sex. Wait. Hold on. Whooo. Okay. Wait. This is not 1992, Beavis and Butthead have been canceled, and I am not 12 years old. I am not 12 years old, I am not 12 years old, I am not 12 years old. Hard swallow. Okay. Serious journalism here. Ahem. And here we go…GAYLORD!!!
All right. Grown-up time now.
Gaylard (heh-heh) has apparently been a regular visitor to the Seymore (ahem) Indiana park for some time now. Locally, he’s known first and foremost as the fire-and-brimstone, anti-gay preacher of Praise Cathedral Church of God. Nothing of much note, just the basic “gays are an abomination” “glorify God in your body and deny the fulfillment of lust in the flesh” type Leviticus stuff. Standard fare. But apparently, Mr. Brimstone wasn’t too good at heeding his own scripture.
On December 12th, the 59-year-old Lord of the Gays approached a man parked in the Indiana park. The man was evidently just enjoying the view of the lake; Williams must have mistaken him for a gentleman out “cruising” for some action…which was a real popular thing among closet gays. In 1986.
Williams signaled to the man to roll down his window. When he did, Williams leaned on the window of the car, and reached down to grab the man’s gentleman bits. He then offered to get on his knees and receive the Holy Spirit.
The man told Williams he was “barking up the wrong tree,” but Williams had a firm hold of his communion plums. When he reached into the car as though pulling out a gun, Williams got the picture and ran to his car like his wife’s panties were on fire. He hightailed it out of there, but not before the man got his license plate number.
He called the plate into police, and the cops stopped Williams down the road a bit. They found what can only be described as the gayest of gay p*rn in his car. Unconfirmed reports have it that he initially asked the arresting officers to perform “YMCA,” but they declined his offer to be their cowboy.
Williams remains in custody, but additional unconfirmed reports have it that he’s described his week in jail as “The best seven days of my life.”
Now that’s a mouthful. And Gaylord wants to Seymore.
Oh, GROW UP!