Remember the days when the only time non-suicidal people shot themselves in the head was whilst in the presence of gambling Vietcong? Pepperidge Farm remembers. You have to wonder if that haunting thought was going through 22-year-old Raymond Andrews’ intelligently designed mind at dusk Friday evening — and even if it did, something else followed shortly afterward.
This bit of social Darwinism took place in the parking lot Havelock, North Carolina’s The Nightmare Factory, a seasonal haunted house that may now be home to the most deserving ghost in its history. Andrews and a co-worker at the Factory had just gotten off work, and were standing around doing what all North Carolineans do after work: compare pistols.
Andrews handed the loaded gun to his friend, who at some point unloaded the gun so Andrews could show him its smooth cocking action. Andrews took the gun back and began repeatedly dry firing it — always the sign of a knowledgeable gun owner with utmost respect for his weapon.
Andrews handed the gun back to his friend as the two walked to his vehicle to get out a second gun. Inside the vehicle, retrieving the second gun, he never noticed his co-worker re-load the first one. He took the now-loaded gun back, and set it on the passenger seat while they talked about the second one.
As fate would have it, two more friends showed up, and the group began to chat. Because every lawful execution needs at least three witnesses — it’s in the Bible.
Some time later, Andrews picked the now-loaded gun up off the passenger seat. Jokingly, smiling, he pushed the tip against his temple.
The Nightmare Factory’s newest ghost stood in the parking lot, wondering what the Hell just happened.
The Witnesses Three called emergency services, and paramedics made the obligatory attempt to revive Andrews. But, the attempt was fruitless since (as medical reports dryly put it) Andrews had suffered an “incapacitating head wound.” Police have ruled the shooting accidental — sort of the same way that, according to GOP ammosexual Joni Ernst, the UCSB mass shooting was a “tragic accident.”
But, we disagree. For Creationist Joni’s sake, we won’t call this one “Darwinism at work.”
Let’s just chalk it up to “intelligent design.”
Raymond Andrews friends remember him.
Watch the report on friends and coworkers mourning Andrews and sharing memories, via WCTI12.