It looks like kids in Florida who have die-hard NRA members for parents can now trade Micky Mouse for machine guns, in what might be the most quintessentially American theme park ever constructed.
Located in Orlando, Florida, six miles from Walt Disney World, Machine Gun America promises all sorts of thrill rides, all of them phallic objects that ejaculate lead at high speeds. With rides like the AK47 and M5, to other automatic and military-grade weapons, the park is very much “WYSIWYG:” they promise machine guns, and there are machine guns — all available for children as young as 13.
Describing this theme park feels like a thesis of everything wrong with White Culture, and by extension, American Culture, today.
The owner of Machine Gun America, Bruce Nierenberg, told the Daily News that “They’re built for wars and those kinds of things.”
Billing itself as “Orlando’s Most Thrilling Attraction,” MGA Orlando offers dozens of different “fully immersive” simulations, ranging from scenarios like a zombie attack to a wild west shootout. Because, you know, we need more violent fantasies confusing media with reality. I’m already quite convinced most gun owners can’t tell the difference anyway, listening to them talk about their crack shot fantasies.
If you want unrealistic expectations of what guns do, play a video game. There are plenty of video games out there that offer the thrilling experience of mindlessly shooting things.
They’re allowing children as young as 13 to join, as well, and for as long as I’ve written at AATTP, I’ve always stressed that children and guns don’t mix.
The park, like most gun ranges, also allows people who couldn’t pass a background check to rent out firearms, just in case you thought it wasn’t a bad enough idea.
I’m holding out for the augmented reality zombie-hunting laser tag, myself. I’ll pass on the real weapons. If I want a fictional scenario, I’ll take a fictional environment and fictional weapon, as well.