A recent poll conducted in Kentucky has some bad news for Senator Mitch McConnell. As it turns out, the people in his state really are over him. 51% surveyed said they disapprove of his performance. More importantly for progress in the Bluegrass state though? His presumed Democratic challenger Alison Lundergan Grimes actually as a slim, 1% lead over Senator McConnell. It was a poll conducted by a Democratic polling company, so some salt should be ingested with the polling data, but one thing is for certain — if these trends continue into next year, McConnell’s days in the senate are, indeed, numbered.
All may not be lost for ol’ Mitch though. He could come out of his shell and surprise us all. Here are five ways I think Mitch can save his job.
#5. Stop Being All “Mitch McConnell” About Stuff
Here’s my first suggestion — knock it off! No one expects Mitch to wake up tomorrow, realize the folly of his ways, and go register to be a Democrat, all the while conducting gay marriages out of the back of his bio-fueled Toyota Prius. But clearly the people of Kentucky haven’t been burying their heads in the sand, and when more than half the people in your state don’t like the job you’re doing, it’s time for drastic measures. Ironically in this case drastic measures include “working” and “trying.”
At first I was going to suggest a smartphone, but let’s not go confusing the Luddite too much, shall we? Ol’ Mitch, like so many of his Republican colleagues, could do with a bit of a reminder that we’re living in 2013 not 1913. Mitch and the GOP represent social policies out of the Dark Ages and fiscal policies pulled from out of their dark orifices. If no one’s going to get him a calendar, at least get him a print out of any news article that shows austerity has been debunked and that the majority of Americans support marriage equality and higher taxes for the rich.
I know this is supposed to be all chuckles and punch lines, and perhaps just the mere suggestion of bipartisan attitudes from McConnell is hilarious enough. But I’ll go out on a limb here and say that if he’d just show a modicum of team spirit, his voters wouldn’t view him as the recalcitrant career politician he’s become, and they’d want to keep in place. He’s facing a Tea Party challenge in the primary anyway, so why not ignore those simpletons and score more independent votes by working with the president? Oh, I keep forgetting we’re talking about modern American politicians here. Common sense is meaningless here.
#2. Change His Name To Alison Lundergan Grimes
Hey, it couldn’t hurt, and there aren’t any laws on the books about having the same exact name as your opponent. If the only difference on the ballot is that one Grimes as an (R) next to their name and the other has a (D), maybe enough voters will get confused and choose the Republican and not the Democrat.
Not usually one to make predictions, it’s hard to imagine McConnell recovering in time to hold off Grimes, and with his numbers as bad as they are right now, he might not survive the primary. This of course should scare all of us because someone even more Teabaggery than Mitch is indeed a scary proposition. It just seems that no matter what McConnell’s now become part of that “establishment” that everyone talks about, and it’s become a liability. Grimes will be able to hit him hard and often on his obstruction, and the Tea Party challenger will hit him for being in Washington too long. Regardless, it would seem that barring a serious turn-around McConnell will be heading for that great lobbyist position in the sky soon.