By now you’ve probably heard that the failures and ineptitude of John Boehner’s House of Representatives has reached a new low. The annual “Farm Bill” — a bill aimed at subsidizing both the agricultural industry and funding our food stamps program — has died on the vine two years running now. Why? Because of those food stamps being attached to the bill, that’s why. Now rural and urban Republicans in Congress are split on whether to fund the bill or not.
One of the strongest proponents of gutting the food stamps funding from the farm bill is none other than the kookiest and most infantile of all our congressional members, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX). The Texan nincompoop helped lead the charge to all but kill food stamp funding, which ultimately led to the Democrats in the House walking away from the traditionally bipartisan bill.
So why does Gohmert want to hurt both farmers and the hungry in our nation? I don’t know. But here are my five best guesses.
#5. They’ll Just Die and Decrease the Surplus Population
Ol’ Louie just has a very Ebenezer Scrooge-like approach to the poor. You know, he’d prefer them out of sight and out of mind, but at the very least they could do the world a favor and die. After all, it’s clear that since they’re poor their life’s been completely squandered and useless. Only rich people’s lives are worth living, we all know that. If you wind up too poor to feed yourself, you should at least consider it a blessing that you’ll be freeing up space for some other person…that the GOP won’t give a shit about.
#4. He’s a Real Big Fan of “The Hunger Games”
Sure, you might take one look at this bald-headed buzzard and think the only pop culture this guy gets is what he sees on old “Hee-Haw” reruns. The truth though is that Gohmert is a huge fan of the Jennifer Lawrence movie that I guess they made a book about, called “The Hunger Games.” Louie saw that film and decided what The Poors need is just a little friendly competition to see who can kill each other fastest and get the food first. It’s a win-win for taxpayers. They only have to buy one meal per every two Poors and they get top-notch gladiator-style action to boot!
#3. He Mistakenly Heard “Hungary,” Not “Hungry”
Look, Gohmert isn’t exactly John McCain old, but he’s getting to the age where a lot of us have a hard time understanding what we’re hearing. You see, Gohmert thought we were all talking about a social program to help the people in the country of Hungary, not hungry people here in the United States. So of course he doesn’t want to spend money helping other countries right now. I mean, sure, he also doesn’t want to help the poor and starving in this country either, but what’s a little sociopathy among friends?
#2. The Post Office Needs a Budgetary Overhaul
See, again, it’s not that Gohmert is a heartless bastard; it’s that he’s stupid. Gohmert has been running under the assumption that “food stamps” are literally postage stamps that the post office gives out to people when they want a sandwich or a cup of soup. As we all know Republicans also hate the post office with all its affordable shipping and mailing services, so that’s why Louie initially hated on food stamps. Again, total confusion and ineptitude, not cruel indifference to your fellow man.
#1. He’s a TEAPublican
All joking aside, the real reason that Rep. Gohmert has been so willingly to kill the very bipartisan farm bill is that he’s a member of the Tea Party. Tea Partiers’ sole focus is on government spending. Every dime, every nickel that the government spends, they see as a direct affront to the American people. They don’t see taxes as being the shared responsibility of all Americans who want a better society with better services; they’d prefer that the government do nothing for their citizens because that’s better than taxing them you see. I mean, who cares that you’d have no roads to drive on, no police to watch those roads to make sure they’re safe, and no firemen to put out your house when it catches on fire? Taxes are evil, don’t you know?
So to people like Gohmert, having a few people starve is better than asking the rich to pay more in taxes. Sure, he’ll tell you that the private sector should be responsible for charity, but then he can’t offer a solution to the fact that the private sector has never, ever, ever, ever met all the demands of the poor and destitute. That’s sort of the big, overriding point that conservatives just don’t want to face up to — the private sector is either unwilling or unable to do all the heavy lifting when it comes to helping those in need. You could argue that the world’s most powerful and rich nation should be ashamed of itself for stalling a bill that impacts so many needy people.
Louie Gohmert wouldn’t listen to that argument, but you could sure as hell make it.